BXBX NOVEL Chapter 473 The Crack In Her Wall (3)
Li Caiyi was too shocked to form any reply. There were many things she liked to ask Meng Renshu, but who would have thought that the boring tale she wrote to fill in her loneliness would become such a big hit after her passing?
Meng Renshu chuckled. "What's with that face? Is that such an unbelievable story?"
"It is very unexpected." Li Caiyi tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. "Even more so to hear that the person who made that happen was Shao Jingfei all along."
"Yeah. I hate to admit it, but I think both of you were meant to meet and work together."
"He was my only friend at that time. We never told each other about our personal stories, but I always had fun discussing books with him." Li Caiyi smiled softly, "I see. So that person was Shao Jingfei all along. Come to think of it, they were similar, indeed. The way they talk and cheer me on."
Meng Renshu felt sour. Not because he was jealous, but instead because he blamed himself. For those years they spent together, he never knew what her hobby or dream was.
Despite knowing nothing about her friend, Li Caiyi still met with Shao Jingfei in the end. The same with Dai Zhiqiang. Perhaps returning back in time really was a blessing for her. The only thing she didn't need was for him to return too.
"Brother Renshu, did you hear what I said?"
"Oh! Sorry, I was thinking about something. What did you say?"
"I was asking about Xiaohua's condition after that? Did she manage to wake up?"
Faced with Li Caiyi's expectant look, Meng Renshu felt compelled to tell her the truth. She had the right to know, yet imagining the sad look she would have on her face later stopped him from doing so.
"Brother Renshu, you are making that face again?"
Meng Renshu was bewildered. "Ah? What face?"
"The face when you pretended everything was fine. Do you think you can hide it from me?" Li Caiyi sternly said, "You don't have to hold back. I'm strong enough to accept everything now. So please, don't leave me in the dark."
Meng Renshu could tell she wouldn't back down on this. For better or worse, Li Caiyi had changed. She wasn't the same girl who used to hide and follow him anymore. Nothing made him prouder, but consequently, he also felt lonelier.
"Jie did everything he could, and Xiaohua managed to regain her consciousness. However, the result left more to be desired...."
"What do you mean by that?" Li Caiyi could feel her whole body tensed up.
"After knowing what happened to you, Xiaohua lost her mind, quite literally. She often talked alone or gazed at an empty spot while calling out for you," Meng Renshu looked down with a pained expression on her face.
"We provided her with the best treatment, using the most advanced technology and knowledge, but we couldn't save her heart and mind from deprivation. There was nothing we could do...."
Li Caiyi was silent. Like it or not, Li Chunhua was a person who played a significant role in her misfortunes. She had no obligation to feel pity for her. Yet when she heard those words, she was still overwhelmed by inexplicable sadness.
Her sister's end was so unfortunate. The same as hers. Even in death, they were still twins who shared the same fate.
Li Caiyi wondered, if only she noticed Li Chunhua's abnormality faster, would she be able to stop the tragedy that happened afterward?
Meng Renshu peered at Li Caiyi's downcast look. She didn't ask any more about her sister. As if she had understood without needing him to elaborate. There were no tears, only emptiness in that absentminded gaze of hers.
He couldn't resist reaching out to clasp her cold hand. "Xiaoyi, this isn't your fault. Everything was my fault. I failed to protect you. I can't even begin to imagine your hardships; the guilt has been gnawing on me since then. You can blame me, but don't think you are responsible for what happened after your passing."
Li Caiyi stared at his hand on top of hers and felt her heart run cold. Has he always been the kind of person who was easy to reach? The answer was no, but it wasn't like Li Caiyi was any better. She didn't try to understand and put a blind eye to everything.
She pried her hand from his slowly. "I assumed the news of my suicide shocked everyone. And I wasn't alone when I died. Your company must have taken a significant blow from the scandal."
"I would be lying if I said it was nothing. And I resented you too, at first. I didn't expect you to betray our marriage, and I didn't want to believe it." Meng Renshu laughed mirthlessly, "But after I read your book, I finally realized that I was the one who messed everything up."
He was talking about their divorce and the beginning of their marriage downfall.
Li Caiyi clenched her hand, recalling the humiliation and despair she felt on their first night. She didn't plan to delve that deep, but it seemed everything had been left bare by her own hands.
Shao Jingfei publishing her life story was something she could never see coming.
"Xiaoyi, I always wondered why you changed drastically after our first night. It had been a year since our marriage, and I thought I had given you plenty of time to prepare. My memories were fuzzy, but I knew our feelings were mutual that night. We both yearned for the same thing.
Li Caiyi: "...."
"So when you pushed me away the next morning, I thought you had regretted it. My pride was hurt, but more than that, it broke my heart. Thinking back, it seemed I had already fallen for you back then."
Meng Renshu looked up, but Li Caiyi was unfazed. He realized this wasn't something easy for her to talk about, but he still wanted to hear it from her own mouth.
"Tell me, Xiaoyi. If it weren't for my mistake, for...." Meng Renshu swallowed his saliva, along with his tears, before continuing, "...mistakenly calling out for another woman's name in my sleep. Would our ending be different?"
"Who knows?" Li Caiyi closed her eyes solemnly. "We kept missing each other, and it ultimately ended with tragedy."
It was hard to breathe, but Meng Renshu forced himself to continue, "And about the divorce, I was the one who filled it, but I didn't mean to use it. I kept it deep inside my bookshelves until Shuchun found it."
'Shit, everything sounds like an excuse, even to my ears. I really am a scumbag.'
There was an oppressive silence before Li Caiyi spoke slowly. She looked eerily calm, with a decisive glint in her eyes.
"Quoting what you have said before. The crack in our marriage is not your fault. At least not completely. We pushed each other away and hurt each other. We are both to blame. It was a marriage that wasn't meant to happen in the first place."
Meng Renshu wanted to smack himself so badly. He couldn't stop his tears from forming. The finality in her tone was like a bucket of cold water spilled on his back. He instinctively knew what she truly wanted to say.
[We both had our chance, but we failed. There is no turning back. We can't go back to the way things were].
"You know, when I opened my eyes and found myself returning to the past, I felt afraid from the bottom of my heart. I was afraid I would return to my old foolish self once I met you. If that was the case, I'd prefer my life to end on that abandoned building that day."
Her words were like an ice saber. Cold and piercing him deeply in his heart. And when it melted, there would be nothing left of her. Not even a trace.
"But when I met you again, I felt no love or resentment towards you. Although I admitted there were so many things I could do better in my previous life, I never intended to return to you. Because...someone saved me from that hellhole."
"You love that person so much?" Meng Renshu smiled bitterly.
"I do." A fond smile crept up her face, softening her whole appearance.
"He saved me from that frightening darkness I was in. Brother Renshu, I think I haven't changed that much. I'm still that girl who is hopelessly in love with someone. But for better or worse, that someone is not you anymore."