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Chapter 19

Married

“BWAHAHA! YES! Show me all your belongings, so I know what is mine after you die!”

The marriage, except for the part where both of us had to be standing at the same time, was a simple affair. We clasped hands, agreed to be husband and wife, and kissed.

Kismet looked... odd... about that last part.

“Not now.” Gamilla said. “Still bandaging, and we are completely out of burn ointment.”

.....

“Oh, our womenfolk are preparing some, now.” Blue Wingtips, the village chieftain, said. “And they prepare dishes containing holy aloe, which should aid both of you in recovering from your burns without scarring.”

“Are you weak enough that’s actually an issue?” my wife asked me.

“I’m not sure how the Taint I got from our pact is going to affect me.” I admitted. “I shall be extremely careful until I know.”

I had trapped one portion of the taint in my Vanity, and the other in my Gluttony, and I really didn’t seem to have any permanent negative effects, other than the awareness of the squirming blackness, eternally trying to escape.

There had been miscellaneous rewards, as well, but with my divisor, the XP was just ... not worth the cost.

“Taint is just power, sweetie. You’ve just got to be careful not to let it grow to the point where it consumes you. If you want to learn Eldritch magics, I can teach you.”

“Eventually.” I said. “For now, let’s just celebrate being married.”

“Hah! I knew you were just joking about not having a Lust score.”

“Wife! I am two years old! I’m not SUPPOSED to have a Lust score.”

“We’ll see.” She said. “You’ve an adult mind, and a curiosity.”

“Ick.” Kismet said. “Rhishi? You need to pick your wives better.”

“Yeah, definitely add not possessed to the list.” I said.

“As a possessed person, I find that discriminatory.” Madonna said.

Blue Wingtips cleared his throat. “We’ll forego the time in your family hut for ... obvious reasons. Come, help us fish for tonight’s feast.”

Madonna cocked her head. “Shouldn’t we be looking for good poles for our new home? It is the rainy season.”

The shaman spoke up. “Your place is with your husband. His duties require him to be elsewhere.”

“I see.”

What was she getting at? Didn’t she know all this?

She laced her arm into mine, the way Kismet sometimes did. “And when, dear husband, are we leaving?”

“As soon as my companions and I negotiate a trade treaty between the tribe and my homeland.”

Actually, WAS it my homeland? I ... guess. If my Truthspeaker Oath let me say it, I guess it must be the truth.

Blue Wingtips smiled. “I know you aren’t asking us for goods AND a wife.”

“What? No, of course not. We just want our traders to be able to come here and exchange goods.”

The shaman cleared his throat. “We don’t do that outside the tribe. Each of the traders from the invading peoples has to marry into the tribe.”

“Such is our way.” Blue Wingtips confirmed.

“Well, if there is no way past that obstacle, it may take me a while to figure out how to best proceed.” I said.

“He is densely stupid.” Kismet said. “Have you told him about Gracious Glider?”

#

“That old hag?” Madonna asked. “She’s fun to trade insults with.”

“She has many husbands.” the shaman said.

“Most of the invading traders have married her.” Blue Wingtips said.

“Oh.” I said. “I think I see. And there is no problem with my friends also marrying into the tribe?”

Gamilla cleared her throat. “What about the women traders?”

Blue Wingtips shrugged. “They are ... less unified in their choice of husband.”

“And they seem to enjoy their husbands more.” the shaman said.

“Oh, but we couldn’t possibly leave before tonight.” Madonna said.

“I think the guest hut will do for the week or so that we have here.”

“A week?” the shaman asked.

“That’s when our current vessel comes back for us.”

“Perhaps, if another vessel comes before then?” the shaman asked.

“The tribe can afford to barter for the passage of five.” Blue Wingtips said. “But come. This is a happy day, let us hunt and fish!”

“Come, husband! Let us hunt together.”

“But.. Amphibian lungs, I’m a better fisher.”

She nibbled on my arm. “I want to hunt.”

“It would be easier for us to protect you on land, boss.” Narces said.

But... Swimming! In the OCEAN! I wanted to scream.

“Very well, we shall see what the jungle has to offer.”

It offered a variety of snakes and frogs, and some shellfish called prawns.

“I want a monkey.” Madonna said.

“Nah, they’re way up there.” Narces said.

“And we’re getting lots of food here.” Gamilla said.

She balled her fists in front of her, elbows almost resting on her hips. “But. I want. A monkey.”

“Why?” asked Kismet.

“BECAUSE I WANT A MONKEY!” she howled, in her deeper, demonic voice.

“Well, we can’t get one now.” Narces said.

“Good job scaring away all the animals.” Gamilla said.

I sighed. “That does seem like all we’re getting before dusk.”

“What? No...”

“Yes.” I said. “The animals are now spooked. We’re going back to the village.”

“No, I’m staying here and hunting monkeys.”

“Okay.” Narces said. “See you when you get back.”

“Rhishi? Can’t you order her to come back with us?”

“Watch.” I said.

As we left, she followed.

“What are you DOING?” Madonna demanded.

“I told you. We’re all going back to the village.”

“WHY am I also going back to the village?”

“Is the reason you want a monkey in pursuit of your quest, or in any way to interfere with my enemies?”

“You ASSHOLE! You can’t force me to follow you.”

“I’m not. Your own oath is forcing you to stay where I can contact you.”

“You have mind speech!”

“Which works how far?”

.....

She sent a party invite. I declined. I sent one to her, which she accepted.

“Why do you need a monkey?” I asked.

“Personal business.”

“Come along, then.” I ordered.

#

Oh, she ranted, and raved, and discovered that while she could mouth curses at us, she couldn’t actually empower them. But she followed, and even joined me at my side before we were out of the jungle.

“I... I will get vengeance for this.” She said.

“Are you ready to tell us WHY getting a monkey is so important?” I asked.

“No.” she said.

“Then no, you may not, at this time, have a monkey.”

“Rhishi, could I have a monkey?” Kismet asked.

“You have your pay for the month. I imagine you can afford a monkey.”

Kismet sniffed. “Boys!”

Gamilla chuckled, then broke out into laughter when Kismet kicked her ankle. Narces joined her.

“It’s like having children without having to go through the effort of raising them.” He said.

“More reason to never have children of my own.”

I think she was joking. I never did ask.

We got back to the village and I pulled the pot from my inventory.

“What are you doing?” Madonna asked.

“I’m preparing to cook.” I said.

“Do you see any other men cooking?” she asked. “Kismet, Gamilla, and I will join the cooks, and you will join the men and brag about how much you want to spend the night in bed with me.”

“Me?” Gamilla asked. “No, I’m a warrior, not a cook.”

“Gamilla, please keep the other women safe while they cook.” I said.

“I am your guard, not your servant.” She said.

“Boss, if you want, I’ll guard the young women.”

“Thank you, Narces.”

“No problem.”

Well, there was a problem.

“Perhaps as a new tribe member, you did not know.” The shaman told me, “That women are not allowed into the men’s hut?”

“Are they allowed to sit outside the door?” Gamilla asked.

“So long as they are quiet and do not interrupt.”

“Ah, good, then we can finally talk of trade.”

“No, trade is women’s business.” There were several nods of agreement from the men.

“Gamilla?”

“Let me guess, I’m empowered to negotiate with the women on behalf of the Red Tide Empire?”

“Please keep records.” I said.

“On what paper?” she asked.

“Okay, don’t keep records. We can get some accounting books when we get back to Vernice.”

“Don’t worry, ambassador. I will crush these provincial women, and bring wealth and glory to the Empire.”

“Please stop speaking like Narces.”

“Ha! Don’t worry.” She said. “I was born for this.”

She stalked off toward the defenseless women’s hut.

“I wonder what she plans to trade to them.” I said.

“That is not a matter for men. Come inside.”

“What, then, is the matter for the men?” I asked.

“It is time,” Blue Wingtips said, “for you to hear and listen to the tales of the People of the Sea-Bat, for you to make them part of you, and understand what it is to be a member of the People.”

Oh, it was story-time.

#