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It felt like the room was spinning. But it wasn’t. It was just his head.

Rika had lost the baby. Again.

This was the second time she’d gotten pregnant, and the second time she’d started to feel ill and off and then she’d started to bleed.

He’d known immediately when she was pregnant, both times—thank you, Dad for passing that little gift on. And both times, she’d gotten really nervous about other people finding out.

Rika came from a world where losing pregnancies was common. In her world women often didn’t even tell people until they were twelve or thirteen weeks into the pregnancy, when the chances of a child surviving were much higher.

The Anima had much better rates of survival, but much lower rates of pregnancy. When she’d gotten pregnant the first time, Gar had almost exploded with the pressure of having to keep the secret. But then when she’d started bleeding, he’d understood why she’d kept it so quiet.

He suddenly didn’t want to talk about it either.

.....

She’d known she was losing it last time—been certain. It had happened pretty quickly. He’d wanted to get a healer to her, but she’d insisted that she just needed time to heal. She was medically trained for survival. She’d known her body.

Against his better judgment, he’d given her what she wished—silence, and time.

The Anima would have scented her, so the moment she was certain she was losing it, she’d begged him to take her to his cave so she could have a break away from everyone until her body was back to normal.

He’d done that for her, though he’d insisted they go to the Fishing Cave because it had felt safer to him. He’d taken a couple days away himself, then left her with Pegg while he reluctantly returned to the Tree City and his duties without telling a soul.

Rika had been adamant about that. She didn’t want to get home to sympathy and concern and advice and…

And when he went home, a part of him hated that. A part of him wanted to hear from the other males about what they’d been through—especially Behryn, who Gar knew had been through this himself. Though he now realized how utterly unaware he’d been of the pain the male carried. How flippant he’d been when the subject had come up briefly throughout his life.

He owed the male an apology.

But as Rika returned and their lives returned to normal, she’d begged him not to talk to anyone. Not yet. And eventually he’d felt relieved. He still fielded frequent, worried-but-loving queries about how he was doing since losing his parents. And there were days he wanted nothing more than to swear at people who brought him that when he’d just had an hour without thinking about it.

But also… also… there was a human saying… a burden shared is a burden halved. He knew it was true, and a piece of him was a little bit desperate to share this one.

Then she got pregnant again. And she’d gotten a few weeks in this time—late enough they were beginning to wait for someone to notice it on her scent. But just as Tarkyn disappeared and the Chimeran mess began, she awakened one morning and grabbed his arm, jolting him from sleep.

He’d known the minute he saw her face. But it hadn’t been as bad. There had been a chance… but she’d insisted on getting away again. She didn’t want anyone asking questions. She didn’t want anything to do with the Chimera and violence and the human world and…

So he’d covered for her. Gladly. A part of him thinking it might actually be better for her not to be there when the humans were such an integral and difficult part of this.

But it had also been very, very lonely. Isolating, trying to think about cultural bridges and strategies for Zev when his mind was wracked with questions about his mate and their possible family. There’d been no time, no space to get back to her. She’d sworn she would send Pegg when there was news. Told him to remember that no news was good news…

He’d almost spoken to Behryn twice in the past week as his hope grew. But when he’d learned that they would definitely be meeting the Chimera, he’d refused to not see her beforehand, no matter what. Just in case. But he’d hoped. Even knowing how much more pressure he’d feel about leaving her, he’d hoped…

He sighed heavily. The embers of the fire crackled, and the dull orange glow of them seeped out of the fireplace and across the floor at the end of the bed. Pegg had given them space, taken his equine form—was that what you called a horse with wings?—and insisted that he was happier that way anyway. His beast coat would keep him warm enough outside.

But before he’d gone, he and Rika had dropped another bombshell. And now, Gar didn’t know which crisis to think about first—so his mind spun from Rika to the Creatures, and from the Creatures back to Rika…

Because Pegg had learned that he could now shift, which meant he was like the Protectors of Anima, but in reverse. The Protectors—formerly called the disformed—had been utterly unable to shift out of their human forms. Beasts had inhabited their hearts, but never taken their bodies.

Then the Anima fought the humans—and Gar’s loved ones fought the Portals, those dark, evil caverns between the worlds. While Gar and Tarkyn led the battle against humans here in Anima, his parents and their friends had taken the war to the traverses… They’d fought the voices there—those evil fucks that tried to steal any Anima or Human heart and body that passed through between worlds.

The Protectors had been shields against those fuckers. And when they were gone… defeated… suddenly they could shift. Anima who’d never had a beast form before soon discovered they now did.

Pegg, on the other hand, had always lived in a beast form—a combination of horse and bird. He’d never known any different. But a month ago he’d suffered a shock greater than any he’d had since he arrived in Anima.

And he’d shifted on the spot.