BXBX NOVEL Chapter 415 - In His Feelings
Chapter 415 - In His Feelings
****************************
Vampire King Apollyon
****************************
Apollyon teleported to a place he only knew, and he didn't bring his wife with him.
He was adamant about being alone so that he could think and figure out the next step.
Something inside him died.
He couldn't stop himself from mourning this situation--from suffering this loss--, and it was up to him to continue this with his mate and forgive her for that relapse.
He might not absolve her right now but maybe...in due time.
This wasn't about forgiving her so that she could get rid of the guilt in her chest.
Apollyon will forgive his wife for his sake so that they could surrender, move on and let it go.
Only time can tell, yet time couldn't heal this black hole in his heart.
It would only get barely tolerable once he got used to the heartache.
The last thing Apollyon witnessed before he let his form fade was an image of his wife, a silver-haired pregnant woman in a yellow sundress sitting on the grass with her gossamer skirts laid out around her.
Luna appeared like a flowering buttercup at the centre of an open meadow under the thick clouds passing in the winds.
He couldn't erase the heartbreak on her countenance, so he might as well depart.
He wasn't sensitive and mature enough to handle his wife's pain because even he couldn't handle his own.
How much more if he was left to deal with the aftermath of this revelation?
She wasn't the only one who was having a hard time, and he wasn't in the position to comfort her, either.
Apollyon told her the truth.
Everything wasn't alright and will never be.
He desired to be his wife's hero, but no matter how powerful he was, he couldn't turn back the time, and pointing fingers wouldn't make a difference.
He just wished that didn't happen or… Apollyon wished he had the knowledge of magic which made his spirit cross from the physical realm to the spirit realm of heaven, hell and the underworld.
Luna could have avoided Luxen's trap if it was the real him who learned and acquired that power, but it was too late.
He was too late.
'It was all his fault that Luna was…' Apollyon shook his head to dissolve the nasty vision in his head.
It would be hard to live like this when all he desired was to silence his mad thoughts, making him feel inferior over Luna's Archdemon husband, feeling guilt over not keeping his promise to protect her, compelling him to miss his wife's absence and forcing him to think about death again and again.
Apollyon had to get rid of this, or else his brain might explode.
It would be hard to forget this unless someone offered to wipe this vision.
For now, Apollyon was better off without his wife so that he could think without interference and deal with his own wretched emotions.
When these negative sentiments arose to the point of driving him stark raving mad, Apollyon must learn how to feel, process and grieve, even if it hurt like hell.
He would have to face it head-on.
Sweeping his problems under the rug wouldn't do any better.
Apollyon tried ignoring his pain and sorrow before, and it only got worse, festering in his heart to the state of decomposition, making him numb, cold and detached.
Apollyon didn't need to return to the past when his reptilian brain only knew how to cope with pleasure, anger, and possession.
He wouldn't hesitate to declare 'MINE' and stamp his ownership to each possession of his.
Apollyon always got what he wanted, and if he didn't, he would hurt and kill those who get in his way of achieving his goals.
He realized he was too primitive and unrefined as the Vampire King——A King shouldn't act like that, merely driven by these wild instincts.
Wisdom and patience should be the things he must prioritize.
Luna wasn't safe when he was around.
His mind wasn't stable enough to comfort her when he didn't feel like doing that.
Apollyon already said many nasty things to her, and he regretted them when he recalled every word, wishing he shouldn't have opened his mouth.
He was insensitive, blaming her for the entire fiasco without caring about her feelings.
Apollyon shouldn't be angry at his wife in the first place when Luna didn't mean it.
He saw it with his own two eyes that she was tricked, but why couldn't he stop this urge to condemn her?
Apollyon just wanted her to be careful!
Staying away from the Archdemons was was similar to avoiding catastrophe.
Yes, it already happened, but Apollyon didn't think that Luna knew the gravity of the situation--of how dangerous they were--and he had a feeling that she was merely complacent.
This must be one of those rare times where she let her guard down, and she fell for the trap anyway.
+++
Nevertheless, Apollyon was grateful for meeting his wife, even if it was a pure accident from the start.
It was the Blood Beast who was the first one who staked a claim on her.
FApollyon thought he was just an unlucky pureblood vampire who had to deal with the consequences of having a mate he didn't ask for and one who hated his guts.
Luna was never afraid to speak her mind.
She never cowered from any argument.
Every squabble forced him to look inside himself and compare himself against her.
Apollyon could say that they were each other's mirror.
It might be hard to reflect on oneself and accept the hard truth that there was something wrong with him.
An individual is a god in their own little world, but this acceptance also made him aware of his flaws.
Nobody was perfect.
This way, Apollyon can observe how he could relate to his wife's feelings better, trying his best to understand where she was coming from so that he could express his love.
The acceptance of both their flaws will lead to respect and love for each other with humility.
+++
Luna was the brilliant light that gave him the clarity.
The range of emotions she made him feel was a rainbow upon the blessed sky, and its colourful sparks symbolized hope after the cold, rainy day.
To accept his mate despite the odds was to accept himself and vice versa because she was his precious mirror.
The things he hated about Luna the most were the same traits he possessed which he tried hard to reject.
The things he loved about Luna the most were also the similar traits Apollyon didn't know he had because he couldn't see the good in himself and recognize it for what it was.
To love a mate was to love himself.
Luna was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that Apollyon was determined to chase and claim that treasure as his because it was what he deserved, but later, he figured out that what he coveted was in plain sight all along.
Apollyon was also a pot that was already full of heaven's gold, and it was the only treasure that he will ever need.
'Who they were today' and 'who they were tomorrow' may be different, but Apollyon will never forget that they were still the same person.
Despite the unfortunate circumstances, Luna was still the same woman who became his mate.
It was time for him to figure out how to destroy an Archdemon of Lust.