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He finally said it directly. The word that Li Caiyi didn't want to hear the most.

'I like you' is the word Li Caiyi didn't expect or wanted to hear from Meng Renshu. When she heard those words slip out of his mouth, her body stiffened, and she just wanted to run away.

"I-I have to go now." Li Caiyi turned around, planning to leave this place as soon as possible. Being around him made her chest tighten, and it suffocated her.

However, before she could take another step, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her shoulder and waist. A sturdy flesh pressed against her back tightly, and from the contact, Li Caiyi could feel his heart rumbling uncontrollably. With this position, forgot about moving; she even forgot how to breathe for a few seconds.

"Don't go."

Meng Renshu's voice slightly trembled as he whispered beside her ears, making her whole body tingle with a weird ticklish sensation.

"I can't stand it. I hate it so much when I see you arrive at school with that guy. But more than that, I feel terribly hurt when you avoid me like I'm a monster you have to get rid of in your life."

Li Caiyi couldn't see his expression, but that was probably for the best because she wouldn't know how to respond. His heart was beating so fast, and it slowly resonated with Li Caiyi's own heartbeat. Every place where their skins were touched felt like it was burning.

"If I don't like you, there's no way I would feel like this. Xiaoyi, I like you more than you and I would ever have imagined."

"Lies."

That one word slipped out of her mouth before she could control it. She felt the whole situation was terribly ironic and ridiculous at the same time.

In her previous life, she spent her whole life hiding one-sided feelings for this man, and he didn't care. Now, when she decided not to have anything to do with him, he kept chasing after her, scratching the old wound she wanted to hide forever in the corner of her heart.

"There is no way… you will like me." Li Caiyi whispered in a broken voice.

Her voice was fragile like she could break into pieces and be scattered by the wind. It took Meng Renshu aback, even more so when he felt her whole body trembling. He didn't even realize her hold on her was loosened.

Li Caiyi took a deep breath before adding, "Meng Renshu, I hate you. I tried to tolerate you, but I can't continue being around you more than this, as expected. Your presence is like a thorn in my flesh, so I beg you, as your childhood friend, to not appear in front of me anymore."

Meng Renshu could feel the severity in her tone, showing that she wasn't joking around this time. His heart plummeted to the ground, knowing that she didn't only reject him but was also fed up with him.

,m "Why do you hate me so much? I have been asking you this question repeatedly, but you never give me a clear answer. This is unfair to me. If you hate me, at least tell me the reason."

Li Caiyi: "...."

What could she explain to him? She was disappointed because he didn't believe her and pushed her away in her previous life? How absurd.

"Is it because you think I'm in love with Xiaohua? Because you saw us kissing that day? Come to think of it, you started acting cold towards me ever since that day."

Li Caiyi could barely register what he was saying anymore because her head was dizzy from how suffocated her chest was.

"Let's just stop talking about this."

"Or is it because you think I see you as a spare, just like what you said the other day?"

Memories of her previous life and the current timeline overlapped in a split second, and her brain felt like it could explode.

"Xiaoyi?"

Meng Renshu called out to her when he noticed her strange condition. His heart almost stopped when the girl in his arms suddenly lost her footing and almost crumbled to the ground if not for his firm hold on her.

"Xiaoyi!" Meng Renshu exclaimed in a panic, looking at her closed eyes and perspired forehead. Her brows furrowed as though he was battling against pain.

He quickly felt her temperature by touching her forehead, but it was normal. Meaning that whatever caused her to collapse like this was probably not a health condition.

Meng Renshu didn't want to waste any more time. He carefully picked up Li Caiyi's body and carried her in a bridal style before running to the infirmary. His breath was short and labored as anxiety took over his mind.

She felt so light in his arms that he was afraid she could disappear at any moment. It was an alarming thought since he couldn't even bear to imagine how his life would be without her by his side.

"You will be safe. I will make sure of it." Meng Renshu chanted those words like a prayer repeatedly while completely ignoring the commotion and gasps by other students who saw him running in panic while carrying Li Caiyi in his arms.

***

Li Caiyi was enveloped by darkness. A cold one with no trace of light in sight. No one was around, and no sound could pierce through this nothingness.

It was a dream she was familiar with. A dream where she felt like she was gazing at herself. Empty and gloomy.

Being in this dream comforted her yet scared her at the same time. Because she didn't know when that darkness would swallow her as a whole. She probably wouldn't be able to wake up anymore then.

Not that anyone would wait for her in real life.

Since she was just a useless one. A spare. A substitute.

There were times when she questioned herself, what is living and what is dead? Was living a life like you were a dead person even could be called a life anymore?

Li Caiyi was tired, but she wouldn't give up yet. Because there was still a glimmer of hope inside her.