BXBX NOVEL Chapter 248 - War On Sh*t (3)
Chapter 248: War On Sh*t (3)
Song name — “Sh*t All Night”
Lyrics — Fang Wenshan.
Song — Zhou Jielun.
The canopy under the night sky had a lonely warmth.
The raindrops on the green leaves reflected the appearance of the exotic beasts.
They hopped around aimlessly.
No one knew where they were going to shit.
Who was watching on the TV wall of the Bird’s Nest Stadium.
The leaves of the Poplar Tree had been dirtied, and no one could wipe them all off.
The exotic beasts could only get used to it and shit on their own kind…
The wall in the distance had been sealed, and only the stench was left.
The empty space in the forest.
He had shit all night..
? …
…
Unknowingly.
The sky had brightened.
When the first ray of sunlight shone into the crack in the ground, Bahuang Yao was the first to open her eyes.
“Oh…”
She covered her mouth and yawned softly. The girl looked up and quickly patted Chen Yu’s shoulder. “Brother Yu?”
Chen Yu: “…Zzz”
“Brother Yu? Wake up.”
Along with the greeting, Chen Yu did not wake up, but the others did.
“Ah?” Duan Ye wanted to stretch, but he was blocked by the narrow wall. He was stunned for a moment before he suddenly came back to his senses. “What the f*ck? What time is it?”
“It’s morning.” Bahuang Yao took out her old phone and looked at the time. “6:20.”
“Are they done pooping?”
“I don’t know. I fell asleep.” The girl hesitated. “But before I fell asleep, around midnight, there was no movement from them.”
On the left, Ma Li said, “I slept later than you. When I heard the movement, they seemed to have scattered after pooping.”
“…We have to go out and take a look,” Duan Ye suggested.
“I’ll go.” Bahuang Yao raised her hand. “Brother Yu is still sleeping. Why don’t I go out and take a look?”
“No need. I can use martial arts to create a small eye.”
As he said that, Duan Ye pressed his palms together…
Bang.
It didn’t work.
Because his elbow hit the wall.
He frowned and immediately changed his position, pressing his palms together again…
Bang.
He hadn’t succeeded yet…
“Isn’t this place too f*cking narrow?!”
Bahuang Yao was puzzled and said, “You can…”
But before she could finish her words, Duan Ye glared back at her.
The young girl quickly reacted and changed her words. “You can go up and come back after releasing your martial arts.”
There were outsiders present.
Duan Ye’s ability to use his martial arts without using his strength had to be kept a secret…
“What are you guys doing?”
At this moment, Chen Yu was woken up. He cursed a little irritably, “It’s broad daylight. Aren’t you supposed to let people sleep?”
“Brother… Brother Yu, it’s dawn,” Bahuang Yao said weakly.
“Dawn?” Chen Yu opened his eyes a little. “Isn’t dawn the time to sleep?”
Everyone: “…”
“…”
“…”
“Huh?”
After a long while, Chen Yu suddenly came to his senses and looked up. “Right, have the exotic beasts finished pooping?”
Duan Ye: “Yes.”
Pa!
Chen Yu slapped the back of Duan Ye’s head. “Then, aren’t you going to wake me up?!”
Everyone: “…”
“I have to go out and take a look quickly.” Chen Yu propped himself up and climbed up bit by bit. “Those feces came to our mouths. We can’t let others snatch them away!”
Everyone: “…”
Very soon, Chen Yu crawled out of the ground. Just as he popped his head out to take a look, a foul stench assaulted his face…
“…Ugh!”
In the crevice, Ma Li looked up. “Is it disgusting outside?”
Chen Yu covered his mouth and quickly shrank back. “F*ck… Ugh, it’s too f*cking smelly. Disgusting, really disgusting.”
Ma Li: “Then, aren’t you disgusting if you vomit on my head?”
“Ah?” Chen Yu was stunned. He quickly turned his head to look. “So accurate?”
Ma Li: “There’s so much space outside. Do you have to vomit into the pit?”
“Emmmmm… Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m used to it. There aren’t any exotic beasts up there. I’ll get Duan Ye to wash it for you later…”
After a few minutes of preparation in the pit.
They climbed out one by one.
The smell on the ground was indeed unpleasant.
Although there was no excrement, it was better than excrement…
“Are these dogs so stinky when they poop?” Duan Ye covered his nose.
“Dogs don’t stink when they poop, but there are cats among the exotic beasts,” Chen Yu explained.
“…” Duan Ye was silent for a moment, then he nodded. “That makes sense.”
“Really… It stinks.” Bahuang Yao choked so hard that tears were coming out of her eyes. She squatted on the ground and kept vomiting.
“Everyone, don’t throw up.”
Seeing this, Chen Yu took a few steps forward and advised everyone, “This is just a little bit. We still have to fish for beads in the feces later.”
Everyone: “…Ugh!”
“That’s not right,” Chen Yu corrected them. “It’s in the feces soup. After all, they all have diarrhea.”
Everyone: “…Ugh!!”
“Don’t throw up.” Chen Yu was dissatisfied. “Let me give you a little bit of knowledge. When you smell the stench, it means that there are feces particles entering your nasal cavity. This is the source of the smell. You’ve already eaten it. What’s there to be disgusted about?”
Everyone: “…Gag, gag, gag, gag!”
“Chen Yu, if you’re a human, shut up!” Ma Li’s face turned green.
“Oh right, and you.” Chen Yu patted his head. “Duan Ye, go wash Ma Li up.”
“…Okay.”
Duan Ye clapped his hands together and mobilized his inner strength. “Martial Arts — Who’s In Pain — Take a Big Mouthful of Phlegm and Eat It!” (Martial Arts, Water Escape, The Great Mermaid Bullet Technique)
“…Ugh.” Ma Li, who had been holding back her vomit, finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. “You two… Want to die!”
Splash!
The water current interrupted Ma Li’s words.
It washed away the stains on Ma Li’s body and also soaked through her clothes, revealing her graceful figure.
It immediately attracted the attention of many people…
Wiping the stains on the corner of her mouth, Ma Li looked at Duan Ye with an expressionless face. “It’s fine if you just wash my head. Why do you have to wash my body?”
Duan Ye: “Sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose. Very big.”
Ma Li: “…”
Chen Yu: “Very big…”
Bahuang Yao: “…”
The young girl lowered her head and subconsciously looked at her… chest. Her eyes became a little dim.
“Eh?” Chen Yu’s sharp eyes pointed at Ma Li’s soaked pants. “You’re still wearing fishnet stockings underneath?”
“That’s right.” Ma Li bent down and opened her pants. “There’s a total of two. Didn’t I give you one as a mark? Oh right, give it back to me. I still have to wear it.”
“Okay.” Chen Yu nodded and said to Duan Ye, “Give it to her.”
Ma Li: “?”
“Oh…” Duan Ye answered dejectedly. Then, he lifted his pants and began to take off his fishnet stockings…
Ma Li: “??”
Everyone: “???”
“Here, take it.”
Ma Li: “…”
“Don’t you want it anymore? Do you want me to continue wearing it?”
Ma Li: “…Martial Art — NTR Clint’s Elemental Slash Containing Anger!”
…
“Dear viewers, the signal will be lost at the place where the exotic beasts gather, so we are unable to understand what happened last night.”
“But at dawn, the beasts scattered in all directions. Through the footage of the rework, we can see feces all over the ground…”
In the Bird’s Nest Stadium, which was filled with people, the five commentators expressed their opinions one after another.
“Because of this unexpected incident, we have specially invited the Vice President of the Beast Research Association, Specialist Jia.”
The fat commentator turned his body to the side, revealing an old man beside him. “Specialist Jia, how do you do?”
“How do you do?” Specialist Jia shook the other party’s hand gently.
“Have you understood the details of last night?”
“I understand.” Specialist Jia looked at the camera lens and sat upright. “A certain class released a light ball that attracted almost all the exotic beasts in the competition venue together. After that, the signal disappeared.”
“Yes.” The fat commentator nodded and pointed at the big screen in the distance. “After 4 o’clock in the morning, the beasts dispersed, leaving only a pile of feces. This is very strange. What do you think, specialist?”
“As everyone knows, exotic beasts behave in groups. But until now, nothing like this has happened.”
“Yes. We also know that it hasn’t happened, so we asked you the reason.”
“Do you know the reason?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you know?” Specialist Jia looked at the other commentators.
“I don’t know…”
“Do the live audience and the viewers in front of the television know?”
“I don’t know…”
“Since you don’t know, why should I know?” Specialist Jia tilted his head. “Your logic is very strange.”
“…” Hearing this, the fat commentator subconsciously wanted to roll up his sleeves.
But in front of the camera, he still restrained himself.
The female commentator at the side quickly added, “We… We invited you here in the hope that you can answer the doubts of our audience. Even if you don’t know, as a professional, you should have some guesses.”
“Guesses… There are some.”
“Then please tell us.”
“Okay. According to my years of research and experience from human society,” Specialist Jia said seriously, “I suspect…”
“Suspect what?” the fat commentator asked.
“I suspect that they are socializing.”
The commentator: “…”
“…Socializing?” The female commentator was puzzled. “Sh*tting together? Is this socializing?”
“Is there a problem?” Specialist Jia spread his hands. “We humans can gather together to eat in order to communicate. It’s also reasonable for exotic beasts to gather together to defecate in order to communicate.”
“…A specialist is spouting nonsense. Is it reasonable to be beaten by the commentator?” the fat commentator asked.
“Of course.” Specialist Jia nodded. “Everything in the world, as long as it happens, is united…”
Bang!
With a heavy punch, the specialist was knocked to the ground.
The fat commentator smoothed his long hair and faced the camera. “Alright, then thank you very much for your wonderful explanation, Specialist Jia. Please continue to show us the scene, Director.”
“Alright. As you can see, as the rain continued, the beast feces began to flow in all directions.”
“That’s too bad,” the female commentator interjected. “The location of the feces is at the highest point of the entire field. If they continue to flow, the space for the contestants to move will shrink.”
“That’s right. After all, no normal person would want to stand on the feces. Oh… look, the remaining exotic beasts have left one after another. Even the exotic beasts don’t want to stand on the feces… Hmm?”
The fat commentator was suddenly stunned. He rubbed his eyes and looked over again. His face turned pale with shock. “What?! What did I see? Someone actually rushed into the pile of feces?”
“Not one person!” The female commentator stood up in shock. “It’s… It’s ten! No, it’s eleven! What are they doing?”
“They’re too far away, I can’t see clearly…” the fat commentator narrowed his eyes and tried to observe. “They seem to be bending down and playing in the excrement…”
“They’re not playing. They’re… F*ck!” The female commentator cursed. “They’re eating!”
“F*ck! They’re really eating!”
“They’re laughing as they eat…”
…
“Hahahaha!”
Surrounded by an isolated water membrane, Chen Yu stood in the sea of sh*t that sank into his knees and laughed maniacally. “The 30th ball! I’ve caught the 30th bead!”
Not far behind him, Duan Ye was also wrapped in the water membrane. Pursing his lips, he held the woven grass net with both hands and fished out a black ball.
Swish, swish.
He shook off the stain on the ball and placed it in front of him to observe it. He could not help but laugh out loud. “Haha! This is my 33rd bead! Brother Yu, you can’t do it either.”
“How many beads have you fished out?”
“We only have around 60. Including Yao Zi, Ma Li, and the others, we should have at least exceeded 200.”
“Their efficiency is too slow.” Chen Yu was a little dissatisfied. He turned around and shouted at the crowd, “They’re already in sh*t, and they’re still wearing the ‘protective suit’. Can’t they just let it go a little? What are they being pretentious about?”
“They’re just weak.” Duan Ye curled his lips. “Although it was a little disgusting at the beginning, you’ll get used to it after soaking in it.”
“You… This isolation of yours, can it really be isolated?” Bahuang Yao’s face was bitter as she poked at the water curtain in front of her.
“This is a martial art used to block the invasion of the poison gas.” Duan Ye’s expression was unfriendly. “Are you doubting my professionalism?”
“I… I’m afraid that the excrement will pass through…”
“Don’t worry, it can’t pass through. You can try your best to scoop it up!” As he said that, Duan Ye picked up a pile of excrement and threw it on his head. “Look, it can’t get in.”
“Ugh…” Not far away, Ma Li’s face was full of black lines. “Can you not do strange actions? The cameras over there are flying over. You guys are shameless, but we still want face.”
“What’s face?” Duan Ye asked Chen Yu, puzzled.
“No way.” Chen Yu spread his hands. “As long as I get the first place prize, I can sleep in sh*t.”
“Me too. As long as I get the second place prize, I can eat sh*t.”
“Eating sh(t is a little disgusting.”
“Sleeping in sh*t isn’t any better…”
Putting the fluorescent beads into the straw basket by his feet, Chen Yu felt that he should boost the morale and speed up the efficiency of the team’s poop-picking.
Otherwise, after a while, the other contestants would come back to their senses and there would be competitors…
“Everyone.”
Clearing his throat, Chen Yu swept his gaze across the crowd. “We’re hiding in isolation. It’s very clean. Throw away all the psychological burdens for me!”
Everyone: “…”
“I’m a science and engineering student. I’ll use mathematics to speak.”
As he spoke, Chen Yu pointed at the feces around him. “Everyone, scooping up 18 kilograms of feces in a minute and scooping it up for two hours. Is it very… difficult? Scooping up three kilograms. Is it very difficult?”
Everyone: “…”
Chen Yu: “It’s not difficult at all. What are we afraid of?”
Everyone: “…”
Chen Yu: “It’s just a pile of feces. Doesn’t it seem like a lot?”
Everyone: “…”
“To tell you all this, there’s actually only one thing.” Chen Yu shrugged. “Numbers can speak. We don’t have to be afraid!”
Everyone: “…”
“Now, I’m going to do the last elimination. In thirty minutes, whoever scoops up the least amount of beads will be thrown into the feces.”
Everyone: “!!!”
“Let’s get to work!”
Everyone’s speed suddenly increased.
Shiny fluorescent beads reappeared in the world..
Buzz, buzz, buzz…
The floating camera slowly floated over. After discovering that Chen Yu and the others were fishing for beads, they were obviously shocked and circled around Chen Yu.
“Get lost!”
Chen Yu was irritated. He picked up a pile of shit and threw it onto the camera.
Instantly, it caused vomiting all over the world…
…
Ten minutes.
Thirty minutes.
Seventy minutes…
After the crowd collected more than 400 fluorescent beads, three figures who were also scooping up sh*t finally appeared in the distance.
Chen Yu saw them clearly.
The other party also saw Chen Yu and the others.
All the martial artists present suddenly froze. The aura and the stench mixed together and quickly spread.
“Someone’s coming.”
Straightening up, Chen Yu pulled out his sharp longsword.
Clang!
The blade of the sword pierced through the water curtain and pointed straight at the sky.
“Someone’s coming…” His voice was like thunder. “Who is it?!”
“Who are you?” The leader of the three people in the distance shouted at them.
Chen Yu narrowed his eyes. “This piece of sh*t has been contracted by us. Get lost!”
“This piece of sh*t has your name written on it?”
“I’m just asking if you want to leave. Don’t look for sh*t.”
“We’re here to look for sh*t. How about It?”
“Alright.” Chen Yu’s eyes were filled with killing intent, and his sword aura was like a rainbow. “Since that’s the case…”
Bang!
An explosive force erupted!
Sh*t splattered everywhere!
The war on sh*t…
Officially began…