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Chapter 93 – Forgotten Promise

“Despite everything that has happened, I still… I still care about you, Pel. I keep telling myself to ignore those feelings, but I don’t want to. Every time you look at me, it feels like I am on trial for a crime I didn’t even know I committed. Like you want me to admit to something I have no memory of doing. And it hurts, Pel. It hurts, us being like this.”

There was another moment of stillness, during which Levisia was conscious of the ticking sound originating from the clock on the wall.

“What is there left for us to say, Levisia?” Pel’s words were flat, like he was surrendering.

Levisia angrily wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and sniffed. She felt like she was a little girl again, lost and alone in the world with no one to hold her hand and tell her where to go.

“That you said you wouldn’t leave me.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeves, trying her best to keep the tears at bay. She wasn’t even sure if he said those words, or if they were wishful thinking from the back of her lonely mind. A longing, a hope, that someone cared for her as a person and not because of her bloodline.

Even though it was her bloodline that got her into the mess in the first place.

On the other end of the bedroom, she could see her reflection in Pel’s mirror. She could see the Levisia White of the past, who still stood far away; herself not knowing whether she was crying or not.

Except she knew she was crying when it hadn’t been a soft handkerchief nor a wet sleeve wiping them away, but rather a rough hand. She turned to her right to see Pel sliding down the desk to sit next to her, using his hand to dry her eyes.

Without realizing it, Levisia reached out and grabbed his sleeve. At the same time, it was something she couldn’t bear to grab.

She had been lying to herself. Pel had never said those words. He just held her up, wiped away her tears, and held her hand. Because for all the times Pel gave the impression that he wanted nothing to do with her, his actions seemed to indicate otherwise. From when he comforted her after the necklace was stolen, to the way he protected her during the black market. Everything pointed to him caring more than he was letting on.

“I’m sorry.”

Levisia froze in place, wondering if her ears were playing tricks on her.

“Pel?” She asked, daring to inch closer towards him. He nudged the carpet with his shoe, still not meeting her gaze. Levisia waited, allowing him time to gather his thoughts. It seemed like he was the one trying to give their relationship some closure. Whether that closure was they completely cut ties, or move onwards as friends, she welcomed either. So long as she had an answer to why he had been avoiding her.

“I’m sorry, okay? For everything. For the sudden confession the other day, for avoiding you, for all that has happened between us. I was angry, and bitter. And I thought the logical course of action was to stay well away from you, rather than talking like we should have been doing all along.” Pel sighed, and rested his head against the desk. “Things are still nowhere near clear between us, but at least we’ve made a start. Right?”

“Right.” Levisia placed a hand on the carpet, close enough to let Pel know things were going to be okay between them, but still far away that she wasn’t invading his personal space. “And I’m sorry for all the trouble the Kraidens have caused.  I suppose I am partially responsible for that, just by virtue of having their blood.”

“You can’t help what bloodline you are born into.” Pel said. Levisia was pleased when he reached out to meet her fingertips, and she looked over in time to see a small smile on his face.

“Still, I will try my hardest to keep them off your back.” Levisia resisted the urge to hold Pel’s hand, and instead got to her feet. As she dusted herself off, she heard Pel call out her name. She turned to see him heaving himself to his feet, and perch on the edge of his desk.

“Tomorrow, if the weather is nice, how about we walk around the gardens? Just the two of us, with no ulterior motives. A chance to… To clear the air between us. Again.”

“Yes, I would like that.” Levisia smiled at him. Content that enough work had been done into fixing their relationship, she gathered up her bag and candelabra, and opened his bedroom door. She paused for a moment, unsure if she should continue talking, or if it was best to leave things as they were and come back to them when they had both had a good night’s sleep.

She settled on the former.

“Goodnight, Pel.” She gave him a small wave as she left his bedroom and closed the door behind her.