国产真实办公室沙发午睡系列

Chapter 477 Intermission 1: The Legend of the Almighty Peasan

[[[This chapter is a canon part of this story, which happened during the time that Alex and Alina were living inside the apartment in the Four Moons World. This was the period were Alex was still in preparation mode, and not in combat mode.]]]

Asteria: Hooman! I want to tell you a story. Do you want to hear it?

Alex: Hah? Why would I want to hear another one of your crappy stories? What I want to hear about is your past! When will you even start talking about that?

Asteria: Hey!

Alex: You promised before that you will be open about your past already. But look at you. Up to this point, you’re still not saying anything about your past...

Asteria: I-I just said that I will tell my past to you! I did not say when! S-s-so just wait for that time, ok?

Alex: Tsk, what a scummy fairy. Why did I not even smother you with fire before? Maybe that could have disciplined you more...

Asteria: Hey!

Alina: Alex... just lay off Asteria for now. With this runt being obstinate like this, you won’t get anything from her. She’ll just continue to bulls**t her way, and we can’t do anything about that.

Asteria: Heh, look at this hooman! At least she’s treating me bette- did you just call me a runt?

Alina: Yes I did, because in my eyes you are one.

Asteria: ....

Alex: ...

Alina: Alex, if you want to ogle at my thighs, you can do it later bedtime. For now, let’s listen to Asteria’s story first, ok?

Alex: ....Seriously Alina. You seem to be always excited on hearing Asteria’s special stories. Why do you feel like that? You know that there’s a chance that Asteria’s just making up fake stories, so why bother believing her? You being happy like this just encourages that fairy to tell more fake stories!

Asteria: Hey hooman! I am not faking any of my stories! You’re just too narrow-minded to believe them!

Alex: What did you just say?

Professor Frances: Could you keep your f**king noise down? My head hurts, so tone down your b**chy arguments! Hell, if I can only sew your mouths now, I would have done it already!

Alex: And here’s another diva queen. But at least you’re more useful compared to Asteria.

Alina: That’s harsh, but I totally agree with that.

Asteria: Hey! You two are bull-

Alex: Hah? Didn’t you say that you are about to tell a story now? Go on and tell it already! Or are you perhaps interested on cursing us instead of fulfilling your promise? Hehehe, if that’s the truth, then you really are a dumb fairy...

Asteria: Argh! I swear hooman! I swear that one day you will not succeed on bullying me! I swear that!

Alex: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just get on with it already.

Asteria: ....Fine hooman. Here’s the story that you want.

Alex: ...

Asteria: So Ounce upon a time-

Alina: That intro again? Asteria, do you have anything else that’s original? I’m so tired of hearing this same intro from your other stories!

Asteria: Why are you complaining about the intro again hooman? This intro is a standard line for all the famous fantasy stories, so using them in my stories is not wrong!

Alina: Yes, using them is not wrong, but still, hearing them in each of your stories is too much.

Asteria: Hmph, if this intro works well, then why should I change it? It will be just a waste!

Alina: .... You lazy bum. Can’t you even use your brain to think of a good intro?

Asteria: Nah, I can’t. I think I am good with what I have now.

Alina: Asteria, you-

Asteria: SO ONCE UPON A TIME, there lived a peasant, whose only dream in his life is to become a god. He was jealous of the gods on his world, as they were all praised and served by many people. Wars were also fought for the glory of these gods, which made their status in this world as the greatest.

Asteria: If this peasant can just be a god, then he will be free from poverty and be loved by many.

Asteria: But with the current state of his life, the peasant knew that he has no chance to become a god. So he abandoned his dream and went on with living his intended life.

Alex: ....Huh? Is that the end?

Asteria: Did you hear me saying THE END?

Alex: Um, no.

Asteria: Then my story has not yet ended! Tsk, why don’t you let me continue talking first?

Alex: ....

Alina: ....

Asteria: The peasant continued with his normal life until he reached a ripe, old, age of 121. He was already an old and frail man at this age, and he was spending most of his life on his bed.

Asteria: This peasant was close to dying and even he can sense it. He can even feel the presence of Death himself approaching him from behind

Asteria: Skaboom! When the peasant thought of death, Death actually appeared in front of him. Death then tortured and punished the peasant, leaving him a broken shell of his former self.

Alex: Yo yo you! How the f**k did that just happen? Did Death actually torture a man that was about to die? Why the f**k would that happen?

Asteria: Why are you asking me? I’m just telling you the story.

Alex: ....

Asteria: After getting tortured by Death, the peasant died, but his soul was not taken in by any Gods. The peasant’s wish to become a God before had made him undesirable to any gods, leaving his soul to wander across the mortal world.

Asteria: After wandering the mortal world for 1 million years, the peasant suddenly became a God.

Alex: What?

Asteria: The peasant then stormed the palace of the Gods, and he killed all the gods in there. As for Death, the peasant turned him into his belt buckle, which he was still wearing up to this day.

Alex: ...

Asteria: The peasant then took over the world with his godly power, becoming its mighty ruler. THE END.

Alex: ...That’s it? That’s the story?

Asteria: Yes, hooman. That’s the story. Why? Did you really like it? Hehehe, if you like that story, then I can tell you its prequel!

Alex: Why the hell would I want a prequel when the main story is already this bad? I mean, how could yuou even call that a story? It’s like a kid suddenly had the idea to make a story one day, and that kid’s story was the one you are telling me now! Seriously, that’s the worst story that I have ever heard! It’s just as bad as ’Invisible Duragon’!

Asteria: ... I feel pity for you hooman. I just told you a heart-wrenching story, and yet you can’t appreciate it. Sigh... you’re so helpless that I can’t even get angry with you anymore...

Alina: What heart wrenching? There’s nothing heart-wrenching about that story! How will I even feel sad for the peasant when you told the story in a boring way? And the story was even short!

Asteria: ....

Alina: And who the hell turns a god into a belt-buckle? Why did that even make its way in the story?

Asteria: ...

Alina: Asteria, just admit it. Your story-making skills sucks. But don’t’ worry: We promise you that we won’t laugh once you admit it. In fact, we will help you out with your problem!