BXBX NOVEL Chapter 481: Am I any Better?
Chapter 481: Am I any Better?
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Humming. That was the answer, or at least, it was the decision Kamiko reached. She didn\'t exactly have much practice with music, and it never really interested her, but she wasn\'t completely incapable of holding a tune. The humming made it easier, helped smooth out the rough edges and allowed for her to make some vaguely pleasing noises as she hummed. What Kamiko didn\'t realise that the vibrations this caused where quite soothing to Aslena who started to calm down somewhat, her body no longer heaving under the weight of her emotions. The tears still flowed but Aslena was able to keep herself still.
Kamiko just kept things going, the humming alongside her fingers running through Aslena\'s hair and hoped it help. Eventually, it helped enough for Aslena to get her first truly coherent sentence out, even if she still sniffled a bit before and after. "Why did you come after me? I-I mean you didn\'t have to… but you did"
Kamiko bit her lip. *Should I be honest with this one? Yes Kamiko you should be. Dammit, but… no I\'m trying to make things better and misleading Aslena probably wouldn\'t help me at all.* "I probably wouldn\'t have a week ago you know. I… I know you see me as a better person then you… and maybe you\'re right but… I\'m not sure I\'m that much better.
"See… before this week, I… I had a lot problems you know? More than you might think. I had problems with you, with Dad, with Mum, with Elmony a little but not too much… I didn\'t have any friends… I was a bit of a wreck you know?
"Getting suckered at Envy helped a lot as well. I mean, I sorta knew what they were doing but… I really needed to vent you know?" said Kamiko in soft tones
"Um… not really? I mean… no… no I don\'t understand" said Aslena still pressed against Kamiko\'s chest, her horns digging in somewhat due to their size, but Kamiko didn\'t notice, it wasn\'t even close to the emotional turmoil she was still experiencing.
Hearing Aslena\'s response though, Kamiko let out a long breath that ruffled the top of Aslena\'s hair. "Hooo boy. Where do I start? The big one I suppose was that I was trying to internalise a lot of my problems. I just… didn\'t tell anyone what was wrong… like ever."
"I\'m sorry" said Aslena before Kamiko could really get going.
"For what?" asked Kamiko confused.
"For everything. For being part of your problems. I… I\'m sorry" said Aslena
Kamiko lightly kissed the top of Aslena\'s hair, "W-what are you doing?" said Aslena but Kamiko promptly ignored her and hummed for a bit longer.
Once that was done she started talking again, "This one really isn\'t your fault. I mean, sure, I had problems with you as well, but you aren\'t responsible at all for me not talking about them" Aslena could already feel some retorts bubbling in her mind, but she wasn\'t so blind as to think her sister would accept them and so just hugged her a little tighter "one of the big ones with the triplets was that they act like each of them are interchangeable, especially when it comes to hanging out with me. That was my big issue with them…"
Aslena hid her wince in Kamiko\'s outfit, knowing that she hadn\'t even noticed the triplets were doing that. They did act similar, and Aslena treated them like a set regularly. The clothes she made for them always came in sets of threes and fit a theme. Only when she was doing something special for an event or a special request did they ever differ. The worst part, Aslena felt, was that for their birthdays, for as long as Aslena could remember, she\'d always got them a new matching outfit set she\'d made for that years fashion. She couldn\'t help but feel the weight of her disregard for Kamiko threaten to bring her down again. Kamiko was worried about a problem she hadn\'t even realised existed…
Oblivious to Aslena\'s new found inner turmoil, she continue speaking "… I really let them have it the other day actually. They were surprisingly nice about it, and I found out that… not all of them were equally at fault, which… that was a bit hard to hear. My problem was them acting like their the same, and then I assigned them all the same blame for it. Sure, it makes sense from a distance but… so does them being similar people.
"Then there\'s Elmony. I kinda hate when she gets all mopey about Meridithna, and tries to hide the fact she doesn\'t think she deserves to be our sister after causing one to leave. You cans see it in her eyes when it happens, and I just want to slap her and then give her a hug…"
Aslena felt another spike through her heat. Another thing she hadn\'t noticed about their siblings. Aslena was starting to wonder if she really saw the world at all? Was she really so caught up in her designs that she didn\'t notice the problems of the people closest to her? The whispering sounds of the word \'yes\' echoed through her mind, and it hurt, for she knew it was the truth.
"…For Mum… well, she actually does pretty well I think. I wish she was around more but I know why she isn\'t. I wish she didn\'t make fun of me so much, but it helped me grow a thicker skin and she doesn\'t normally take it too far. She should give out more hugs of course, but that\'s a minor complaint…"
Aslena felt her heart soar at that news. Finally, she thought, something she hadn\'t missed. Aslena new Nira was harder on her then Kamiko, but her recent realisations meant it made a lot of sense when she looked back. Though, now she was wondering if she should think about airing her own grievances? Kamiko seems to think it\'s a good idea for herself.
"…Dad though, on the other hand. That\'s a whole nother can of worms. I wish he\'d… I wish he\'d stand up for himself or… or something! I mean, he let you get away…" Kamiko\'s hands twitched for a second, "sorry, I don\'t want to make you feel bad about this. Really, I lay a lot of this on Dad\'s feet not yours. Um…, yeah Dad. He just let you get away with so many things, and I\'m sure he\'d do the same for me but… that doesn\'t make me happy?
"I mean… I just wish he\'d actually stand for something. He\'s so… wishy washy around family. He\'s willing to let us do whatever and while I know he loves us and I appreciate that love… he takes it too far. I think I\'d like it if he acted like… like a real person around me sometimes you know?"
Aslena did know and she was sort of wishing she didn\'t. Kamiko had said it wasn\'t about her, and just saying that did help blunt the daggers of emotion a bit, because the fact she\'d said it so clearly meant it was true, but the words still dredged up the memories of the numerous issues she\'d caused Kamiko when she was younger. Some she wondered if any but her remembered, forgetting of course her parents had much better memories, same with her older sisters.
"Oh, and finally Meridithna!" Kamiko continued, and Aslena raised an eyebrow at the mention. As far as she knew, Kamiko had never met her. "I\'m certain something funky is going on there. I don\'t think she\'d just abandon us. I feel it in my heart. Something else weird is going on with her, and I wish I knew. Nobody talks about it, and I think it\'s weird. We all \'know\' what happened but I can\'t help but wonder. If someone is hiding something about that…"
Aslena didn\'t even want to start unpacking that one. She\'d just tried to forget about her, arguably, eldest sister. She wasn\'t around, thus she wasn\'t important. Aslena could see that probably wasn\'t the case now, with Elmony\'s issues spelled out and Kamiko suspicions. "…but yeah. Those are my problems, and I guess you\'re the first in the family to hear them all… and I\'m honestly kinda really happy about that"
Aslena turned her twinkling eyes to Kamiko and saw the genuine smile on Kamiko\'s face. A smile she couldn\'t remember receiving herself in some time. She felt the tears starting to renew themselves in her eyes and Aslena let them flow, gripping tighter onto Kamiko as with most of her might, feeling as if she let go now Kamiko would disappear, she\'d stop being real, and things would turn back to how they were before. The fake smiles, the glares, the disappointed looks from her adorable younger sister. She didn\'t want them to go. She didn\'t know what would happen to her if they did. Aslena had seen something precious, and while it made her sick to think of what she\'d sacrificed, she knew she couldn\'t lose it again.