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Chapter 874 - Innermost Feelings

In the end, Lianne chose the mechanical valve.

Although it meant taking medication for life, it was far better than to have to go through another surgery just to replace it. Just the thought of having to go through another open-heart surgery was something that Lianne could not bear.

The possibility of surgery is far better than the certainty of one.

If all goes well, the mechanical valve would serve her well until she passes on. If not, then she would have to go through some repairs. At least, she could \'ignore\' it.

After more discussion, it was decided that the surgery would be done just after the finals. The surgery would be done right after and she could use the end-of-the-year school holidays to recuperate.

It would take about a month or two before she could go back to school.

The only thing left was to inform Joseph of Lianne\'s condition.

Kyle sighed.

For this was something he could not do since Joseph did not know of his past life. It fell on Stephan\'s shoulders to do so. The plus point of that was Stephan would learn to interact with his children and Joseph was more like him than in temperament.

Though he did \'inherit\' Kylie\'s s.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e nature and Stephan\'s sociable and adaptive personality, Joseph was not as \'tough\' as the father. To be more accurate, Joseph was incapable of hiding his true feelings or \'conform to the norm\' as required.

Stephan did work hard to try and understand his son, but he was also of the firm belief that his son must follow the unwritten rules of society. He didn\'t think his son was strong enough to face the judgment of society.

No one can truly say who is right, or wrong, in this regard.

Though one would say \'let the child grow\', which parent is able to see their child suffer? A parent can only do the best that he, or she, can and pray they didn\'t f*ck up the job.

Joseph took the news surprisingly well.

When he first heard it, he was devastated.

Then, Stephan kept downplaying the seriousness of the situation, as he wanted Joseph not to be too stressed out over it. He was, after all, still young. All Joseph needed to know was that his sister was not well and would be undergoing surgery, and that everything would be all right.

Stephan was also saying it to convince himself.

And so, each person handled the situation in their own way.

? Author only posts on w.e.b.n.o.v.e.l. ?

Joseph kept his thoughts to himself.

On the outside, he appeared the same.

It did not look like he was affected much by all that was happening around him.

In reality, that was a lie.

He was beginning to feel the pressure of it all coming down upon him.

He had so much building within him and he had no outlet.

He was feeling frustrated over a lot of things.

Things that he had absolutely no control over.

Though his relationship with his father had improved, he didn\'t dare relax his guard. For now, Joseph knew his father was extremely worried over Lianne but was trying to pretend that everything was all right.

Joseph knew better, though.

However, since his father was downplaying it, then he, too, should just pretend that he wasn\'t aware of what was truly happening. If that helped his father cope, it was the least he could do, right?

And his sister.

Lianne.

Someone he loved dearly yet didn\'t completely understand.

But that didn\'t matter.

What mattered was the he knew his sister loved him, and he loved her. That was enough.

He, as the older brother, would protect her as best as he could - even though Zero was doing a far better job in that sense than him.

Did he resent the closeness Lianne had with Zero?

Yes, and no.

He was glad Lianne had Zero but he can\'t deny that he wished he did have some sort of connection with her.

All of his grievances, he poured into his writing.

It was what gave his writing, a bit of \'soul\'.

Or that is what he believed.

The current arc in his novel was that the lead managed to get the girl, but had to keep the relationship a secret.

He never told Kay about his growing frustrations at this, because he knew that she had her own problems.

So he poured out his true feelings in the novel.

~ My Secret, My Love, My Guilt ~

Ben was not happy.

It had been a few months now and he wondered why he had ever agreed to the ridiculous proposal by Kara.

To keep their relationship secret.

At first, it had been like a dream come true.

She was finally his.

Yet, now?

Ben punched the wall repeatedly to get the agitation in his heart out but all he got was just more pain. Physical pain at his knuckles and pain in his heart.

The punching did help … a bit … but the problem was still there.

It did not go away.

Kara noticed the change in Ben and she hesitatingly asked him, "What\'s wrong, Ben?"

Ben looked away, not able to tell her the truth.

"Nothing," he said, flashing her a big smile.

Kara smiled, believing him and that made him both happy, and sad at the same time.

Ben sighed inwardly to himself and hugged her close to him.

He told himself, at least, he was good enough an actor that she never knew how he truly felt.

Still, he couldn\'t help but feel a pang of sadness in his heart at the same time.

But he still kept silent.

~ end of chapter ~

Kay bit her lower lips so hard that it started bleeding.

Today\'s chapter of her favourite novel echoed within her so much that she felt like the author was prophetic. She had been captivated by this novel because it mirrored her current situation, but never did she expect it to be *this* close.

She re-read the chapter several times and couldn\'t help but wonder.

Did Joseph feel like this?

The frustration over having their marriage being a secret?

He never showed it, however, and was always so loving and attentive whenever they meet.

Then again, due to the fact that they hardly could see each other, their meetings would end up in bed. Not that she was complaining, though and it seemed like a natural thing to do.

They were husband and wife, after all.

But now, with this chapter … she began thinking … had she been blind to how he truly felt?

The guilt piled up even more.

She said that she was going to tell him.

She had used the excuse of him being caught up with Lianne\'s situation as a reason to postpone it.

Then, to wait until the surgery was over.

Wasn\'t she just delaying the inevitable?

Joseph had been patient all this while and she wasn\'t being fair on him.

She decided that it was time to tell him.

So that weekend, Kay told Joseph of her intentions.

"What? Really?!" Joseph asked in surprise, his eyes wide, "Are you sure? This won\'t be a problem for you?"

For the first time, Kay saw the hope and happiness in his eyes, amidst the worry.

Previously, it was only the worry that she saw and she used that to further make excuses to herself.

Kay\'s heart twisted.

She had been so unfair to him.

She touched his cheek gingerly, saying, "I\'m sure. I\'m sorry you had to wait so long, Joseph."

He grabbed her hand and looked at her earnestly, "Let\'s do it together."

"What?!" Kay gasped.

"Look, Kay," Joseph said, staring at her seriously, "I can\'t let you face him alone. What sort of man am I then? I am your other half, to be by your side and be your pillar of support."

"But, Joseph, he might lose it with you there," Kay said, "I know he wouldn\'t do anything to you but at least, if it\'s just me, he might be calmer."

"I don\'t care!" Joseph said, "I am your husband! Your burden is my burden. We share them. You will NOT go alone."

"Oh Joseph," Kay said softly, "I love you so."

Joseph kissed her and said softly, his breath on her lips, "I love you too. We shall do this together. It will be all right."

"Okay," Kay agreed.

Joseph kissed her again, holding her close. His slipped his tongue in and explored within the depths happily, while c.a.r.e.s.sing the soft figure in his arms. Despite the fact that Joseph truly wanted to have his wife right now, there was one thing he wanted more.

Thus, Joseph broke the kiss, both of them breathing hard and said, "Let\'s go and tell him now."

"Now?" squeaked Kay.

"You don\'t want to?"

Kay mentally kicked herself upon hearing his concern.

"Let\'s go," Kay agreed, taking his hand.