BXBX NOVEL Chapter 95 Meaningful Purpose
Being put on the spot like that, Jean was rendered speechless.
Why was she so eager to learn magic?
'Do I even want to learn magic?' She asked herself.
#Right! Just give up already!#
*But what about our dreams?*
'What dreams?'
Ever since that "fateful" day, all Jean ever dreamt of was her mother's savage demise.
Jean's composure shattered as the weight of the question and its implications dawned upon her.
Learning magic and walking the path of magehood was a foregone conclusion to the heirs of renowned clans. It was just something they had to do because it was the only way the clans could hold onto their positions. Although society appeared refined and tranquil, it was truly a vicious battlefield filled with underhanded tactics and subterfuge. The only thing keeping the Empire from falling apart was the unspoken cold war waged between the various powers that be.
Each clan under the Solar Empire had a particular interest to maintain, and in order to do that, they needed to enforce their dominion. The only logical way to do so was through a show of force. Most long-standing clans in the Empire had a mage powerhouse behind them. These ancient powerhouses often referred to as clan ancestors, would be beings at the peak of power. For the clans at the highest seat, these ancestors could be in the Tesseract Transformation realm. Their presence along acted as a deterrent against opposing clans seeking to make unwanted advances. However, the presence of the clan ancestors wouldn't stop clans from waging minor wars. After all, there is little reason for a nigh godlike being to play their hands in a conflict between ants.
And it is in those conflicts that having clan members with great magic potential comes into use. Why was Gaige shunned by his clan members before he unveiled his Abyssal Wyrm physique? It was because he was a wasted seed in the clan's eyes, or in simpler terms he was "trash". Should the Bori clan enter a conflict between another clan or organisation, the boy could only act as cannon fodder to distract opposing firepower. However, once the boy showed his full potential, his position in the clan was naturally elevated.
Ultimately, Jean also happened to fall under the category of "trash" according to her clan's standards. So obviously, her goal in learning magic should be to overcome this label and prove her clan members wrong, right?
Once Jean arrived at that conclusion, she looked into Teacher Lark's eyes. She internally repeated the reason multiple times. As she did so, she realised that maybe that wasn't the answer Teacher Larks was looking for. Furthermore, it didn't exactly seem like a reason she was comfortable with either.
The whole premise seemed like a slippery slope to her. How much was enough to prove her clan members wrong? Was it enough to simply show an aptitude for magic? Was it enough to defeat every possible candidate for the clan leader position in combat? Was it enough to defeat every clan opposing her own? Was it enough to elevate her clan to the ranks of monarchy? When. Was. It. Enough?
Once the cycle of rationalisation began, there would never be an end. Her clan would keep wanting more, and she would be a slave to those ambitions. Would she be content with that?
At least with her Senior Brother, there was a visible end to his goal. Strength enough to protect loved ones was honourable and achievable. Sure, the finishing line may be subject to movement, however, Senior Brother Markus would be in full control of that.
'Maybe that's it! Rather than looking outwards, I must search within,' Jean surmised.
Sure, her drive to become a mage started with the aim to satisfy her father. However even before all of that, Jean had the goal in mind albeit for another, more personal reason.
"I want to walk the path of magehood to become the best healer in the world!" Jean blurted out.
"Please elaborate," Guy said while nodding.
"I want to become stronger and more capable to be able to cure any disease, ailment or injury in existence."
"And why is that?" Guy responded.
"Because..." Jean hesitated.
The words were at the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn't voice them out.
#Don't you dare say it! You don't deserve it! Mother-killer!#
*But it is her drive!*
The voices ran rampant in Jean's mind, one hindering her from voicing her thoughts, the other attempting to assuage her with sweet words.
Jean gritted her teeth and force out her words, "I. Want. To. Follow. In. My. Mother's. Footsteps!"
She started to breathe heavily once the words left her mouth.
"M-My mother was the best healer I knew. She was both strong, and caring. No matter who came to her with a problem, she would step up to the plate and work double-time to make sure that they were cured. There were times when she failed, but she never gave up and kept driving forward. I want to be as good as- No! At least half as good as her!"
Jean's voice was filled with resolution and a plethora of emotions. It even surprised her just how effusive she was.
"That's a noble cause you are working towards," Guy commented. "I heard about what happened to your mother, Jean. It was a tragedy. I am truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart."
Guy left it at that. He knew that there wasn't anything he could say that could alleviate the girl's burden. So he felt it best to move on from the topic, and let the girl heal naturally. He had seen many children like her in his past life, some in even worse positions, and had successfully rehabilitated them from the abyss. Healing the heart was a gradual and measured process, one couldn't rush it.
"Now Jean! I need you to keep this goal in mind as you learn magic. Never forget why you started, and more importantly never twist the words of your own goals, because that is the first step towards losing yourself," Guy instructed.
Jean nodded solemnly and affirmed, "I understand, Teacher Larks!"
"Good! And now," Guy continued as he turned to face Marie. "What is your purpose in learning magic, Marie?"
"I want to protect my loved ones," Marie answered offhandedly.
"Don't try to deceive yourself, Marie," Guy said with a firm tone. "Why. Do. You. Want. To. Learn. Magic?" Guy enunciated as he approached Marie.
Marie looked into Guy's eyes and lost her words. Did she want to learn magic? Of course! Who wouldn't? But Marie was practical. She knew that the family could only afford to support one person through a Magic Academy. She was too old, and the twins were too young. She knew Markus was at the perfect age, and so she readily made the sacrifice. She could have been selfish and went in Markus' stead, but the odds weren't in her favour. So, after foisting the responsibility onto Markus, Marie readily cleansed any thoughts of pursuing magehood from her mind. What was the point in dwelling over a forgone conclusion?
And yet, a chance had fallen into her lap. A Teacher of Magic was willing to offer free lessons at the comfort of her own home. How amazing was that? She jumped on the first opportunity to sit in the class, however, reality pulled her out of her fantasy just as quickly.
"Why do I want to learn magic?" Marie repeated and received a hum from Guy.
It was a valid question. Marie understood that Teacher Larks wasn't being facetious here and stalling for time because his process was robust. Without an achievable goal, what was the point in setting out to do anything? People's actions require reason, after all, otherwise, they have simply wasted energy.
But the truth was, at that moment Marie had no idea why she wanted to learn magic. An immature thought that popped into her mind was that 'everyone is learning it, why can't I?'
However, that wasn't reason enough to fuel the process. Both Markus and Jean had an acceptable reason. Yet no matter how much Marie racked her brains, she just couldn't formulate a worthwhile goal for herself.
With a dejected frown, Marie answered, "I can't think of a goal, Teacher Larks."
Guy shrugged and said, "That's okay! But without a goal, I won't teach you magic."
Marie grew increasingly dispirited when Guy finished the declaration. However, before she could get up and leave at her own volition, Guy added, "That doesn't mean that I won't teach you anything at all. Magic is a tool to apply your knowledge. I have intentionally limited the use of this tool. However, I haven't placed any restrictions on the knowledge needed to work it!"
"Markus must have already told you that my classes specifically for magic are divided into two. One in the morning and one in the afternoon. The class in the afternoon deals with the theories behind the manipulation of mana and similar concepts that form the core in using the tool that is magic. However, the classes in the morning deal with a separate set of subjects that supplement the application of magic by providing perspective. You don't need to be a mage to learn these subjects as they deal with fundamental truths of this world. If you are willing, I want you to sit in during these classes and participate. Maybe, you might get some inspiration and formulate a goal for yourself through it?"
Marie lowered her gaze and thought about it. Logically, she had nothing to lose. She had a lot of free time now since she no longer had any obligations. And she somewhat agreed with Teacher Larks' reasoning.
So after a quick minute, Marie answered, "Okay! I would like to do that!"
"Awesome! Let's not waste any more time, then!"
Guy reached into the deep pockets of his jacket and, after fumbling around for a few seconds, he pulled out two identical books.
"For today's class, since we have two new members, I want to start from the very basics to gauge exactly where you guys stand. Based on your performances, I plan to tweak my lesson plans," Guy expounded while handing a book each to the two girls.