BXBX NOVEL Chapter 64 Unknown
Meanwhile, back in the Zephystrand City.
"Now that we have finished, I am going to carry out my prayer."
He stated as he stood up, preparing to leave the training yard for his chambers to pray, as right now, he was praying on a daily basis.
"You are becoming boring like those priests... just a few years, and you can start preaching on the city's plaza."
She provoked him but failed to get any reaction out of him. Even though Yvrain was the Apostle of the Moon Goddess of the Seldarine, the Elven Pantheon, she wasn't really a believer; she got that position only due to her lineage.
It was rather ironic, but for most people of strong factions that led Churches and Cults and other religious organizations, they, in truth, weren't as religious as they seemed at first glance. For many of them, the Gods weren't an object of worship or faith but rather just their helpers in getting stronger or becoming one themselves.
Most Gods functioned with their Apostles or other high clergies, in the same way as Samiel was once with his own God Azathoth. Basically, they were just carrying out their assigned missions, nothing more and nothing less.
Certainly, not all of them were like that, but from what he noticed that even Yvraine told him that 4 out of 10 High Priests or other similarly positioned people in religious organizations were fanatical believers. The remaining 6 were either faux ones or some who were just doing the mission that their God assigned them by spreading their faith among ignorant people and cultivating them as loyal worshippers.
"You know, for my whole life, I didn't know what to await from life. I always believed that the only purpose of life was death itself because that was absolute, at least for me as a mortal. Only death was something that would come for sure... aside from taxes."
He explained and ended it with a slight joke, as Yvraine giggled a bit at that, so it was a good joke, but then he returned to his serious explanation.
"And I still don't know it till this day, but maybe I found my faith? Believing that my God saw something in me?"
He asked, not really looking at Yvraine as he looked more or less at the artificial sky of the Tower's 3rd Floor.
"So, if you will, I will take my leave."
During this one year, Samiel started going through an existential crisis, mainly because he came to the conclusion of the emptiness of his life. He never had a goal in his life, something he wished to achieve or something that he wanted to leave after himself.
It was a simple moment when his own Familiar asked him what goal in his life he wanted to achieve. Hathor was an annoying creature because all the time she just spent sleeping, and when she didn't sleep, she would annoy him to hell.
Lately, she has developed a quirk for having philosophical debates. She would be searching for topics that would either annoy him or piss him off.
He still remembered the feeling of... ignorance and not really knowing what to say. When he wanted to say that power, to which goal? Where would it end? Will he achieve Legendary? Will he achieve the fabled Transcendence?
What he awaited from life, what he awaited from the existence of reality itself?
He then started praying more often because, in faith, people found their purpose, right?
Samiel Zentaur, or rather Patrick Smith, was an atheist; he didn't believe in God or Deity or anything. Even when he embraced his new persona, he never believed, truly believed, because he was aware that Godhood was just one Path to Transcendence.
Even when he decided the Hall of Kadath and was proclaimed as the Holy Son, it was mainly due to his lineage and potential power he could achieve, not because he was faithful to Azathoth like any other believer would.
One day, he opened the Gospel of Kadath, which contained spiritual faith in the Outer Gods.
"The 1st Holy Creed of the Gospel: There is no Dream without the Real, and there is no Real without the Dream, because for all, we are just the Dreamers becoming Creators of our own Reality."
He recited the Gospel of the Kadath.
The first time he opened the religious book in his life and even read from it was one year ago, when he started seriously studying the Gospel of Kadath. He became a "worshipper" of Azathoth by chance, never really intending to believe in God, especially when he knew that even he had the potential to become one.
Samiel started asking himself what it was faith?
What was faith in God?
What was believing in God?
In the end, he came to a simple conclusion.
Faith was a trust. Samiel learned to trust his God, learned to trust with the intentions his God has with him, and that his God saw something in him that would be made all of this worthwhile.
Faith was a commitment to God. He decided to commit himself to his God, not only within the extent of carrying out missions or Quests or his duties.
Thus after several months of undergoing a partial existential crisis, on what exactly Samiel wanted to achieve in his life, what he wanted to achieve by climbing the Tower, what he wanted to achieve by reaching Legendary, what he wanted to achieve by reaching Trasncendce, he came to a conclusion.
He didn't know.
Even after thinking about it for several months and returning to every moment of his life, analyzing every decision he made, he didn't find an answer to this predicament.
Though he found something else.
Or decided to do something else.
He decided to trust his God, whom he knew, and that was enough for him.
He decided to embrace himself as the believer and decided to commit himself to the new life, to find a purpose, a purpose that Azathoth saw in him, and maybe, one day, he will see it in himself too.
After one hour, which he spent praying and reciting the Gospel of Kadath, this became his daily routine, studying the Gospel, the way of life like the Gospel of Kadath dictated to all of its faithful followers.
Of course, he would soon need to carry out some human sacrifice in the worshipping ritual. Worshipping the Outer Gods was largely based on obscure rituals and living sacrifices of innocent ones dying gruesome deaths.
"The 3rd Holy Creed of the Gospel: There is no Good or Evil, only the Power which exists, and those of Power, decide everything."
He recited the last Holy Creed of the Gospel as he closed it, preparing to study the Void Magic before he would sleep. Even though he didn't really need to sleep most of the time, he still preferred it.
From the time he started actively praying and decided to embrace what he should be, his Dreams were more comfortable for his soul, as he felt refreshed and entirely reborn after experiencing even a single Dream.
***
Several Days Later
Samiel finished preparations for the expedition to the Trolls settlement. He deiced that he would be going alone to complete the slaughter of the Troll settlement. The latest information which arrived about the numbers of the Trolls was that there were a maximum of five hundred Trolls.
They ranged from Steel-Tier, while they had some Silver-Tier Trolls, from which only the Chieftain was mutated one, so his power would be a bit higher than average Silver-Tier Troll. However, in the end, it didn't change anything.
Right now, Samiel had 255 Bronze-Tier Undead, so he didn't even plan to fight personally; instead, he would be sending his Undead to do the job for him because, for the first time since he entered the Tower, he could use his Class as it should be.
Unfortunately for Samiel, most places where he was, or what he visited, were the ones where even his Undead would be inconsequential because of their lower strength, and even if he had some higher numbers, in front of overwhelming strength disparity, it didn't mean anything.
Not to mention, coupled with his newfound mastery over the Void Magic and Winter Ruler, he wouldn't really fear even if the settlement was thrice the number of Trolls as it was reported. In the worst case, he would then join in the fight.
As he proceeded to leave the Zephystrand, suddenly, he caught sight of Estrid, wandering through the city's streets with a bored expression. Seemingly, she had finally finished healing from the beating Samiel gave her for destroying his favorite coffee shop.
"Estrid, what are you planning to do?"
He asked her because it didn't take him being a genius to notice that she was following him the moment she saw him.
"It is obvious... I am following you into the wilderness."
She answered by stating the obvious, while Samiel was already getting a headache. While previously he planned to use Estrid as bait to lure out Trolls, in the end, it remained as a joke because he wanted to try new strategies with his Undead.
More precisely, he wanted to simulate a siege battle.
"Not, you are not... and I am ordering this to you as the Holy Son of the Hall of Kadath."
He stated sternly, not really wanting to take care of Estrid, not to mention he could handle Trolls effortlessly on his own, without her being there and causing him trouble.
Meanwhile, Estrid, who heard his stern voice, pouted in disappointment because she knew that when he became this formal, there was no chance for her. Not to mention, he really did have authority over her and could order her to remain here.
And as a member of the Hall and his "subordinate", technically, she had to obey.
'The last thing I need to do in my life is listen to Yvraine about why Estrid was there when she wasn't. And that was during the time when she finally stopped being such pain in the ass.'
He thought as he left the gates of the Zephystrand, entering the forests of the 3rd Floor, walking in the direction of the abandoned settlement, which was long ago overrun by the Magical Beast Horde and now was inhabited by a small colony of Forest Trolls.
Originally Yvraine was supposed to accompany him, but she was preparing for her duel with Estrid to have another catfight, and maybe this was for the best because he could go alone on a trip and clear his head finally.
Not listening to her ramblings about Estrid was freeing.
But during the year and months, Samiel noticed that she acted more naturally and more relaxed around him, practically less the princess way and more humanly? Yes, probably more humanly or whatever.
He often thought it was no wonder that almost nobody could stand her.