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Chapter 623.1: Alicia’s Letter (1)

Seated in the guest room, Roel Ascart stared at the letter he held in his hands without saying a word. Opposite him, Carter picked up his teacup and took a sip.

It warmed Roel’s heart to learn that Carter didn’t turn against Alicia despite knowing the implications it could have on the house. He had chosen to prioritize his responsibilities as a father over those as a patriarch.

However, the letter Carter had brought shook Roel up.

The letter had been found inside Alicia’s room in the Ascarts’ manor. It was written prior to her journey to the area where Roel had disappeared, wherein she went missing too.

Roel didn’t feel too good about this, as it indicated that Alicia already had a premonition about her awakening by then and was likely feeling extremely confused. This was the time that she needed someone by her side, but he wasn’t there for her.

Carter was out fighting with the deviants, so he couldn’t have been there for her, either. Roel understood his position and had no complaints about that, but Carter couldn’t help but feel that he had failed as a father.

“I knew Alicia was feeling emotionally unstable. I wanted to write to her to console her, but I realized that the gap caused by your disappearance cannot be filled with mere letters. I should have returned to the Ascart Fiefdom then!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Father. Even now, our utmost priority is to fend against the deviants so as to ensure there’s a future for humankind. It’s all my fault,” Roel said as he stared at Alicia’s unopened envelope with unblinking eyes for a long time.

Carter sighed softly and said, “Open it. She left it for you. As her older brother, you should hear her out no matter what she says.”

“…All right,” Roel replied with a nod.

He took a deep breath before opening the envelope. His eyes became even more focused as he unfolded the letter and carefully read the words one by one.

Dear Lord Brother,

If you are reading my letter now, it would mean that you have safely returned. I’m glad that you have survived the ordeal, though I never doubted that you’d return.

The others have been worried sick. Anna has been growing skinnier with each passing day, fearing that you wouldn’t return. However, I know better. You have faced untold dangers from a young age, but you never fail to return to my side and continue living a mundane life with me. I don’t think that this time will be an exception.

I’m sorry, Lord Brother. If you are seeing this letter now, it’d mean that I have failed to welcome you back with a smile despite the tribulations you have been through. I am really, really sorry about that.

I have been feeling uneasy recently, but it’s not because of your disappearance.

There has been something amiss about my condition. I have been having weird dreams depicting scenes I have never seen before, but they were so vivid as if I had lived through them. My mana also started changing. Most important of all, I can feel something deep inside me transforming.

I don’t know what it is, but I can feel my existence slowly thinning, as if it’s being diluted by the dreams I have. Sometimes, I even forget my sense of self while standing under the moonlight.

I’m afraid.

I have tried consulting our magicians and the Sorofyas’ medical team, but they had no leads about my condition. To avoid my condition from worsening, I’d remain awake in the darkness of the night, but I don’t think I can hold on much longer.

I’m sorry. I have grumbled a lot about myself. I didn’t want to write this letter, but I am feeling so frustrated trying to maintain my sense of self while my head is filled with your disappearance and our relationship. Maybe these worries are the reason a crack appeared in my heart.

Lord Brother, do you like me as your younger sister or as a woman?

We have been together for so long that I can tell how much you care about me as a family member, but do you harbor any feelings for me as a man?

I honestly don’t know.

Now that I think about it, Lord Brother, you have been evading me all this while. I have always missed the opportunities to brave danger with you. I tried to verify your feelings time and time again, only to never succeed. Before I knew it, I started to fear what that answer may be.

We should have been the closest ones, but why does it feel like we’re the farthest instead?

Did you push aside my hand to usher in a brighter future for us, or is it your way of expressing rejection? If it’s the latter, what was all of my persistence and hard work for?

My heart wavers each time I think about these issues. I couldn’t bear not writing all of these down.

I’m sorry, Lord Brother. I think this might really be it.

I don’t know what I’ll turn into, but I know I have to leave the Ascart House. This place is filled with our memories; I won’t be able to bear bringing destruction here.

I wonder what I’ll become the next time we meet. Will I become your enemy?

I don’t know what will result from the changes affecting me, but please promise not to look at me if I transform into an ugly monster. I don’t want the person I love to see me in such an ugly state. If I turn into an enemy, please kill me with your hands. I only want to be yours even in death.

I sincerely hope these two situations won’t happen. It would be best if I take back this letter and destroy it before it gets its way to you.

Till our next meeting.

- Alicia Ascart

…

I’m sorry, Lord Brother.

I should have already ended the letter, but I’m not as strong as I thought. I take back my previous words. I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll suddenly disappear from the face of the world. I’m scared that I’ll become a monster.

I didn’t want to be weak and cowardly, but I can’t bear the thought of everything ending like that. I have already made up my mind to become stronger and independent, but just this once, won’t you listen to my wish?

I don’t want to forget you.

Please save me.

“!”

Roel’s eyes narrowed when he saw Alicia’s last words. His incredibly concentrated mana manifested into a rampaging dark mist that battered the rock walls around him, shaking the entire fortress.

He felt like someone had torched his nerves. Every breath he took brought unbearable pain to his heart. At this moment, he had already forgotten about everything around him.

The only thing left in his mind was a silver silhouette.

It was truly fortunate that there was someone else important to him by his side.

“Roel! Roel!!! Stop!!!” Carter shouted.

“!”

His voice brought some clarity back to Roel, as the latter finally raised his head to look at his surroundings.

The guest room was a mess.

The ceiling had been reduced to rock fragments that battered the rest of the room, leaving holes in furniture and walls alike. The guards at the doorway had been placed under such tremendous pressure that they couldn’t even raise their heads; they could only barely remain on their feet by leaning on the wall or their weapons.

A crowd had gathered outside the room, looking at him with worried faces.

Selina, Juliana, and Kurt were among them, as well as Cynthia, who had been serving as his bodyguard in recent days. Practically all of the nearby Rose of Dawn members were standing outside right now, just that they dared not to approach him.

The only one who was inside the room with him was Carter, though he had erected a mana barrier to protect himself.

“Are you awake now, Roel?” Carter asked gravely.

“…I’m sorry.” Roel lowered his head apologetically.

The crowd outside heaved a sigh of relief. Carter’s expression also loosened a little.

“I was scared out of my wits. I didn’t know what to do, especially since none of Their Highnesses were around.”

“By the way, who’s that man in there?”

“He’s Roel’s father.”

“Ah?”

The members of the golden generation quickly exchanged information.

Selina, the daughter of Count Bess, recognized Carter due to the ties between their houses, whereas Kurt and the others stared at Carter in bewilderment.

Carter wasn’t too bothered by the attention on him. He glanced at the letter in Roel’s hand and sighed once again. With a light wave of his hand, he swept the dust and rubble inside the room out of the window.

He had known that Roel would get agitated after reading the letter, but he hadn’t thought that it would be to this extent. It was a relief he was around to stop Roel, or else the latter’s rampage might have caused considerable damage to the fortress.

The bustle outside further cleared Roel’s mind. He slowly calmed his breathing before he turned to them and said, “Sorry, my mana went amok for a moment. I’m fine now.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“I’ll inform the guards.”

“All right. It’s getting late now, so let’s not linger here.”

The crowd could sense that Roel was not in the ideal state of mind, so they tactfully decided to back off instead of lingering in the area. Cynthia bowed to Roel before taking her leave, making sure to close the door behind her.

Carter settled back down on the chair, while Roel quietly stared at the letter in his hand.

Time ticked by. Roel didn’t explain anything, and Carter didn’t enquire about anything either.

A long time later, Roel finally made up his mind. He looked at the middle-aged man and said hoarsely, “Father, I’m going to save Alicia.”

“You should do that.”

“I’ll have to go alone… and it’ll likely be dangerous.”

Carter fell silent.

He didn’t know about the history of the Kingmaker Bloodline, and he didn’t know much about what Roel had been through, since he was rarely at home. Still, as one of the key figures on the eastern border, he knew that the danger Roel spoke about was on a different level compared to that of ordinary people.

Even so, he made no attempt to stop Roel. He lit a cigar and looked out the window.

“The road to transcension is fraught with dangers. Every transcendent has their reason for embarking on this dangerous path, but all of them are driven by their faith. Back then, Alicia’s faith was none other than you.”

“!” Roel’s golden eyes quivered.

Carter’s face warped in self-reproach as he continued, “I was the one who initiated her onto the road to transcension, but I couldn’t help her. I have failed as a father. But it’s different for you. You still have a chance to make it up to her. I can’t stop you from doing that.”

“Father…”

“Go. Bring Alicia back no matter what it takes. You have kept her waiting for too long.”

“Understood,” Roel replied solemnly before rising to his feet.

He bowed deeply to Carter before walking out of the messy room.

…