赤裸裸的滑稽故事

“She’s right,” Ashleigh said quietly. She swallowed and nodded, looking at Alice, who looked away.

“Ashleigh…” Maeve called sadly, wishing to comfort her friend.

“No,” Ashleigh shook her head with a smile. “Raj built that program with Caleb’s dream in mind. He gave it to me to help because he thought it was what Caleb would have wanted.”

“Didn’t it? Help, I mean?” Maeve asked.

“In some ways,” Ashleigh nodded. “But not the way it was meant to.”

Ashleigh took a deep breath.

“Caleb’s dream was to be able to help soldiers lost in the fog of war. To safely guide them through the pain and fear they were surrounded by. And eventually to lead them out of the suffering to a place where they could truly move forward.”

“A noble goal,” Maeve said.

“Yea,” Ashleigh nodded and sighed. “But I didn’t use it like that.”

“How do you mean?” Maeve asked.

Ashleigh looked down.

“Raj told me from the start that I was meant to process the memories. To immerse myself in the joy of mine and Caleb’s time to be able to move through the loss,” she began. “I wasn’t supposed to just focus on the good times. I wasn’t supposed to interact with him as though he were back. I was supposed to say goodbye to him… in my own time.”

Ashleigh smiled sadly and took a shaky breath.

“I ignored his instructions. I ignored the warnings the program gave me,” she continued. “I just… saw what I wanted, held on to the pieces that eased my heart, and ignored the rest.”

She paused and licked her lips.

“About a year and a half ago, the memories were becoming less and less detailed. Some I couldn’t even view anymore. Eventually, there were no memories left to play back,” she said sadly. “I called Raj. I was frantic. He told me the system was built to move forward, not stagnate. To do that, it learned from the user's behavior. He said that the system recognized my choices as unhealthy.”

Ashleigh let out a soft chuckle and sniffled.

“He was concerned that I had developed an addiction to experiencing memories with the interactive system. I wasn’t allowing myself to process the loss and move forward.”

Ashleigh looked at the floor.

“He refused to make any changes to the program. The only thing he was willing to do was shut it off completely. But I wouldn’t allow him. He told me that, eventually, the program would shut itself down even if he didn’t. It was never meant to be permanent.”

Ashleigh took a deep breath through her nose and looked up at the others. Her chest ached, and her eyes glistened with tears.

“I stopped trying to access the memories and eventually stopped talking to the program. But I could still see him. He was still with me. Even if he never said anything,” she said, a tear running down her cheek. “Until just over a week ago…”

Ashleigh smiled and sniffled.

“I was already on my way to Alpha Rosen’s territory when it happened,” she said, looking at Alice. “He appeared beside me in the passenger seat. I hadn’t called him, the program had no reason to interact with me, but… he said goodbye… and then he faded away.”

Alice turned away, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Maeve wiped the tear that escaped her eye.

“I pulled over and called Raj right away. He told me the simulation was over. There was nothing he could do,” Ashleigh whispered. Her voice cracked. “Caleb was gone… for good.”

She let out a sob and brought her hands to cover her face. Quickly stifling her cry, she took a deep breath and tried to push back against the memories.

She saw herself screaming on the phone. Hitting the steering wheel until her hands ached. Looking at the trees of the forest beside her and running into them, crying, wailing.

Ashleigh watched herself fall to the ground on her knees, digging her hands into the dirt as her body screamed in agony. As all the grief she had locked away for the past five years crashed over her in a wave of sorrow and misery.

It was at that moment that she remembered what Lily had said. She remembered that there were beings of great power capable of impossible things. It was then that she called to Leshy in her grief. That she dared to tempt an ancient being to wake up and interact in this world.

“If you had told me, Ashleigh,” Alice called to her, shattering the memory of the forest. “I would have understood. Even if you just said that you were grieving.”

Ashleigh looked up at Alice, who smiled warmly at her.

“I’m sorry,” Alice whispered. She took several steps forward and reached out to Ashleigh, gently touching her arm. “I was too quick to jump to the wrong conclusions.”

Ashleigh swallowed.

“I’m glad you are finally taking the time you need,” Alice said gently. “I was relieved when you rejoined the world. When you found a purpose in your life outside of searching for Caleb. But I have always worried about the day the wall you built around your grief would fall apart.”

Ashleigh closed her eyes.

“It’s good that you came here to work through it,” Alice continued, gently squeezing Ashleigh’s arm. “I will go and let you rest.”

Alice pulled away and took a step back.

“We can talk more another time,” she said with a smile before turning to Maeve, “We can reschedule our meeting for later in the month.”

Maeve swallowed and nodded, looking back at Ashleigh. Alice turned to leave. She had taken several steps before her name was spoken.

“Alice…” Ashleigh called out. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

Alice looked back over her shoulder with a smile.

“It’s all right, Ashleigh,” she said. “We don’t need to talk it all out right now. We can take our time after you’ve had a chance to rest.”

Ashleigh swallowed.

“No,” she said softly, shaking her head. “A bridge goes both ways…”

Alice furrowed her brow in confusion but then turned her body to face Ashleigh fully when she remembered what the words meant.

“And can’t be built on lies and deceptions…” Alice said softly.

Ashleigh nodded.

“It has taken a long time to build our bridge, and I don’t want to see it fall because of me,” Ashleigh said. “So, I’m going to tell you why I’m really here.”