赤裸裸的滑稽故事

She wore the long grey dress, and her hair was pulled back in a simple braid. Ashleigh walked down the hallways, following closely after her mother with her eyes cast down.

She saw no one. She heard no one. They were all outside, gathered to share the stories of their Alpha.

Ashleigh took a slow breath and swallowed the lump in her throat as she felt the breeze drifting down the long corridor and heard the soft murmuring of voices in the distance. They were getting closer to the vigil.

Her heart began to race. Soon she would be forced to see them all. The people that had accepted his death. Forced to hear the stories of his life as though it was already over.

Yet, she didn’t feel angry. She was scared.

Scared that she would see and hear it all and find herself giving up. Scared that this was the moment when she, too, would have to accept that Caleb would never come home.

“Breathe,” Corrine’s voice whispered beside her, and a warm hand settled on her back. “Breathe, Ashleigh.”

Only then did Ashleigh feel the burning in her lungs as they screamed for air. How long ago had she stopped breathing? When had she placed her hand against the wall to steady herself?

She took a slow and shaky breath. After a few more, the pain in her lungs eased, but her chest still felt tight, and her stomach was tied in knots. Her knees felt weak. She wasn’t sure if she could even take another step.

Corrine moved to stand in front of her. Ashleigh naturally looked up into her emerald eyes.

Her mother was a warrior and a Luna. She was intimidating, powerful, and magnificent. She always had been. But she was also warm, kind, and fiercely loving.

At this moment, the eyes that looked back at her were filled with warmth and understanding that Ashleigh could not have anticipated.

Corrine put one hand on Ashleigh’s shoulder and the other on her cheek. She gave her a warm but sad smile.

“That’s it,” she whispered, “nice and slow, take a few more breaths.”

Ashleigh nodded, doing as her mother instructed until she could stand straight again.

“Listen to me,” Corrine whispered, tilting her head and looking affectionately at Ashleigh. “This vigil is for his people.”

Ashleigh furrowed her brows.

“I know,” she replied softly.

Corrine shook her head.

“You don’t understand,” she smiled.

Corrine gently stroked Ashleigh’s cheek with her thumb.

“What I am saying,” she continued, “is that today is about their grief, their loss, their needs.”

She licked her lips and smiled again at Ashleigh. She removed the hand on her shoulder and moved it to Ashleigh’s other cheek, holding her face between her hands.

“This is not for or about you,” she said.

Ashleigh swallowed, lowering her eyes and clenching her jaw as she felt the anger growing inside her again.

“Don’t misunderstand me,” Corrine said firmly, lifting Ashleigh’s chin to look at her again. “Whatever happens tonight, whatever you hear or see, no matter what anyone else feels or believes… it does not belong to you.”

Ashleigh furrowed her brow, the anger fading as she listened to her mother’s words.

“Only you can decide how you feel, Ashleigh,” Corrine smiled. “Only you can decide how you will grieve.”

Corrine took a deep breath.

“Grief is not reserved just for the dead,” she continued. “And just because you grieve his absence does not mean you give up on finding him one day.”

Ashleigh swallowed and chewed her bottom lip as she looked away.

“Do you really think….” Ashleigh whispered. She paused and took a deep breath before looking back into Corrine’s eyes. “Do you really think I will find him?”

Corrine tilted her head. She stroked Ashleigh’s cheek with her thumb tenderly and smiled.

“I think there is no reason to believe you won’t,” she whispered. “And if anyone in this world can, it is you.”

Ashleigh’s jaw shook, her eyes filled with tears, and her heart was in her throat.

Corrine let go of Ashleigh’s face and pulled her into a warm embrace. Ashleigh did not hesitate to wrap her arms around her mother as her tears fell.

After moments of silent tears and her mother rubbing her back, Ashleigh pulled back slowly and looked at Corrine.

“Why couldn’t you tell me that before?” she asked. “I have been so angry at you for months because I thought you wanted me to move on and accept that Caleb was gone forever.”

Corrine took a breath and pursed her lips. She swallowed before speaking.

“Because you are my child, Ashleigh,” she said. “As much as I care for Caleb. As much as I hope you find him, and I truly do… my concern was with you.”

Corrine reached up to Ashleigh’s hair, smoothing it and smiling before looking at her again.

“I couldn’t encourage you to throw yourself into dangerous situations in the hope that you might find something, not when you were so desperate,” she said.

Ashleigh swallowed.

“But now?” she asked.

Corrine took a breath.

“When Fiona told me that you had left,” she began with a sigh, “I was terrified.”

Corrine smiled.

“After what happened with Myka and the children, I was afraid of where your head might be at,” she continued. “But Fiona sent me a message each time you checked in, and Axel told me where he thought you went, why he thought you went.”

Ashleigh lowered her eyes.

“I failed,” she said.

“You did not find what you hoped to,” Corrine replied. “But you did find him.”

Ashleigh looked up.

“You sent him to the Goddess and stood witness,” Corrine continued. “You honored his final request and never stopped looking for him.”

Ashleigh swallowed.

“I know you blame yourself for his death,” Corrine said. “But the truth is, you’re not to blame. Your actions may have helped to put him in the situation, but you didn’t kill him, Ashleigh. You cannot claim a life not taken by your own hand.”

Though she wasn’t sure she agreed with her mother’s assessment, Ashleigh felt relieved to hear it all.

“My point,” Corrine said, “is that you kept yourself alive for two months and stayed focused on your mission. You did what you set out to do and weren’t distracted or blinded by your grief.”

Corrine smiled proudly at Ashleigh.

“It may take time. It might not happen anytime soon, but yes, I believe you will find him someday,” Corrine said, chuckling, “without killing yourself in the process.”

Ashleigh wanted to be happy at her words. She felt relieved that her mother believed in her and Caleb. But what she said about her mission to Moonguard struck a bitter chord inside Ashleigh.

“That’s not exactly true,” Ashleigh sighed.

“What isn’t?” Corrine asked.

Ashleigh took a breath. She had been thinking about it as she made her way back from Moonguard. The reason she had been so determined to find the scout.

Of course, she knew there was a degree of guilt involved. He was put in danger in the first place because of her lies. But she felt that there was something more to it, some other reason that she had become so focused on recovering him no matter the danger.

And, of course, there was.

“You make it seem like my searching for the scout was noble… and you say I wasn’t blinded or distracted by my grief,” she began. “But the reason I wanted to find him so bad… was because of Caleb.”