赤裸裸的滑稽故事

[Present]

“Wyatt and Jonas,” Caleb smiled.

He thought of both men, their characters, strengths, and weaknesses. He nodded.

“Axel chose well,” he said. “Hard to think of two greater men.”

“Cain,” Ashleigh offered. “He was a great man too.”

Caleb grinned and chuckled.

“Agreed,” he said, getting up from his chair to go to the plate of food on the table. “Though I would have found it a little strange if Axel and Alice had named one of their children after my father.”

Ashleigh smiled and nodded.

“True,” she said. Then, after a moment, she looked at him as he popped a grape into his mouth and added, “Guess that leaves it open for us if we want it.”

Caleb swallowed and looked back at her. He hesitated to respond, though it seemed clear she was waiting for his response.

“Does that mean… you are… open to the need for a name?” he asked.

Ashleigh couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped her lips.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “the need for a name? That is such a strange way to phrase that topic.”

Caleb chuckled.

“Sorry,” he said. “I got nervous. Not long ago, that topic made you look ready to run.”

Ashleigh nodded.

“I know, but that conversation was more than five years ago for me,” she said. “And it is one of the biggest regrets I have struggled with all these years.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, sitting down in the chair beside her.

Ashleigh took a deep breath.

“I took that hope from you without a second thought,” she said. “I didn’t give you a chance to tell me how you felt or what you really wanted. I just said no.”

“Well,” he said. “You didn’t exactly say no. I mean, yes, it was clear that it was not something you wanted yet. But Ash, come on, I wasn’t really being fair at the time.”

Ashleigh furrowed her brows.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Ash, you weren’t even nineteen,” he sighed. “You grew up sheltered, and even after you left Winter, you were already thrown into pack leadership, kidnapping, war, and telepathic communications with god-like beings.… I mean… you had a lot going on.”

Ashleigh laughed, and Caleb smiled at the sound. He reached his hand out to her cheek, and she looked up.

“There is no doubt in my mind that I want to have a family with you, Ashleigh,” he said. “If, that is what you want.”

Ashleigh swallowed and took a breath.

“But, if you don’t want that, if children are not something you want for you… that’s okay, too,” he smiled, rubbing his thumb against her jaw. “I never want you to force yourself to do something or be someone you aren’t because you think it will make me happy.”

Caleb got up from his chair and moved in front of her. He got down on his knees and held her face in both hands as he held her gaze.

“As long as I can stay by your side,” he whispered. “That’s all I need, Ashleigh. Just you.”

Ashleigh felt a tear run down her face. Caleb wiped it away with his thumb and then leaned forward to kiss both of her cheeks.

“Just you,” he whispered before kissing her lips tenderly.

Ashleigh kissed him and wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. They stayed in this moment for as long as their lungs would allow. Then, when they pulled apart, they held each other, their foreheads pressed together while they caught their breath.

It was Ashleigh that recovered first.

“I’m open to the idea,” she said, “of a need for a name.”

Caleb pulled away, looking up at her. She gave a gentle and genuine smile. Caleb swallowed and licked his lips.

“Really?” he asked. “This isn’t just because you think I want you to…?”

Ashleigh shook her head. She took a breath.

“When we talked before, I was scared. There was so much happening, and I didn’t understand how you could even think of a baby while all that was going on,” she said. “But even more than that, I was scared of how I would ever be able to do that.”

Caleb furrowed his brow.

“How, after all the mistakes I had made… all the bad judgment calls and misunderstandings… I could ever be a mom to anyone,” she said, “It didn’t make sense to me. I knew that no matter what, I would fail, and that child would be the one to suffer.”

Ashleigh lowered her eyes.

Caleb took a breath, putting one hand on her knee, and reached up to her chin with the other. He lifted her to look at him.

“But you know better now, right?” he asked.

Ashleigh took a breath. She gave a soft smile.

“I think so,” she said honestly. “I’ll probably still mess it up.”

She laughed, and Caleb smiled.

“Based on how I behaved during the first year you were gone… I think I was right. At the time, at least,” she sighed. “But… I thought about it a lot. With the twins, Ren and Savi… watching Axel and Bell with their children… I really regretted that conversation.”

Caleb squeezed her knee. It was hard to listen to the sadness in her voice. Even as she told him everything that had happened in the past five years, as he touched her scars with his own hands, it was still hard to grasp that he had been gone for that long. That she had been alone all that time.

But hearing the sadness, seeing it in her eyes, it felt real, and it hurt. He wanted to hold her and promise to make everything better for her from now on.

“It was very one-sided,” she sighed. “I somehow completely forgot something so very basic but essential.”

“What’s that?” Caleb asked.

Ashleigh looked up and smiled at him.

“It was never going to be me alone,” she said. “You were going to be there to balance my crazy with your calm.”

Caleb smiled.

“I was so worried about how I would mess it up that I never considered how, together, we could do it right,” she continued. Swallowing as she looked into his eyes. “It wasn’t that I regretted not having a baby of my own or even that I might have taken that chance away from you with my harsh words.”

Ashleigh took a breath.

“I regretted that, we, would never have the chance at all,” she whispered. “That a child with my smile and your eyes… would never exist.”

Caleb swallowed, feeling an overwhelming warmth in his heart as he looked up at his wife. He got up on his knees and touched her cheek. She leaned into his hand and looked into his eyes tenderly.

“So… yea, maybe there will be a need for a name…” she whispered.

“Maybe,” Caleb smiled with a nod, leaning forward. “Someday…”

“No rush…” Ashleigh whispered as he inched toward her.

“Not at all…” Caleb replied. Hovering just above her lips.

Ashleigh drew in a soft breath and closed the distance between them.

For the remainder of the night, there were no more words spoken. No stories or questions. Only their need for each other and the longing they shared.

While there was no rush in either of them, within their hearts, they each had a new hope for a future ‘someday’ when there would be a need for a name.