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Chapter 81: Chapter 14

January 1st (Friday) – Ayase Saki

I hurriedly turned off the lights and snuggled up into my futon to pretend that I was asleep. My heart was racing painfully fast. The sliding screen opened, and I felt Asamura-kun entering his own futon. Our futons were on opposite ends of the room, with our parents in the center. It was good enough that we wouldn't be too conscious of each other while sleeping in the same room, and it allowed me to not show my defenseless side to him.

He… didn't notice, right? My heart beat faster and faster. I felt it thumping right up to my ears, showing no signs of calming down. My face felt hot. Even though it was below freezing outside, I felt like I was sweating beneath my futon. Worried that he might hear me breathing heavily, I pulled the blanket over my head.

'Saki is kind, sincere, and… a truly hard-working person.'

That's what Asamura-kun said. Not to mention that he called me Saki. Not just Ayase-san, but Saki.

I wanted to go to the toilet, but I realized that Asamura-kun wasn't sleeping in his futon yet. However, my drowsy brain didn't think much about it and just accepted this as a fact as I left the room. After almost ending up lost in the large hallway, I made my way back to the room when I heard Asamura-kun's voice. I didn't mean to peek inside, I just went a bit closer to listen. This allowed me to hear his voice clearly. And without any hesitation, he said that—That he doesn't have any complaints when it comes to Mom's marriage with Stepdad.

And not just that, he even protected me. I don't know what led to him saying that, but—I didn't expect him to praise me and call me kind, sincere, and hard-working. I was worried if I could even live up to these expectations. I was happy, but at the same time I was scared. I don't know what it means to be liked. I haven't done anything to make other people like me. I've kept my armament to block off anyone who's tried to approach or attack me in any way.

But, when there was a person I wanted to get along with, I had no armament or equipment that would allow me to do so. I've just been doing everything in my power to be able to live all by myself without the help of anybody else. I never saw any need to get along with people. But all of that came crashing down half a year ago. I won't have any great expectations from you, so I want you to do the same for me.

When I said these words to Asamura-kun half a year ago, I never would have imagined that he would come to like me. On the contrary, the only reason I wanted to get along with Stepdad was so that Mom could finally be happy. But to my surprise, Asamura-kun not only accepted this contract of us adjusting to each other, he even took the time to always talk things through with me.

At some point, I fell in love with him, and I even began seeing Stepdad as not just the person Mom married, but as a genuinely caring individual. I began wanting to care for him because the person I like does the same.

I bet I could have avoided coming here with a well-made excuse. I could have said that I had to study, said that I had to work, or even just said I simply didn't want to. I doubt they would have forced me to come. I agreed to come because I wanted to. Just as Stepdad said on the way here, there's no guarantee we might get another chance to travel together like this, and Mom said that all of his relatives are genuinely nice people. I want to come to like the people that the person I cherish also cares for.

However, dealing with relatives I wasn't even directly related to, let alone these people who live so far away, was much more difficult than I had imagined. In a place like this, with relatives from what felt like a foreign family, adjusting to each other and understanding the other party takes time. In that case, you need someone to take your side, to act as your shield as they enable you to build up a conversation—A shield. And this time, it was Asamura-kun who did that for me.

Or maybe you could even call a cushion. The same goes for Stepdad, of course. Thanks to that, my step-grandfather's gaze towards us should become a lot softer starting tomorrow. Without his prejudices, it in return makes it easier for me to interact with him. Of course, that's all because he acted as the shield between me and his relatives. Even though I had decided to live independently and all by myself, I started thinking that I wanted to walk next to someone—Next to Asamura-kun.

I focused my attention on any sounds outside the room, but nobody was nearby. Mom and Stepdad are probably busy talking with our relatives. Right now, it was just Asamura-kun and I in this room. I carefully pulled the blanket off me and moved towards his futon, gently touching his shoulder. Touching him without first adjusting to each other isn't like me. Not to mention that our parents could see this at any given moment. But even so, I called out his name, packed with all my feelings.

"Thank you, Yuuta-kun."

I pushed myself closer to his back until I almost touched him, indulging in the warmth I felt on my hand, which then passed through my own body. Just like ice melting away, the reason and logic in my mind lost their shape and became a twisted unsightly shape like a non-uniform mineral. But even so, I came to adore this twistedness. And during the few seconds it took until Asamura-kun woke up in shock and called out my name, which felt like an eternity to me, I simply indulged in the warmth he gave me.