BXBX NOVEL Chapter 205 Chen Zi Han
"You've done this a lot," I said as I watched him go through the motions of wetting a facecloth before bringing it over to me. "I think I might be jealous." My cheek was still resting on the closed toilet seat as my stomach couldn't decide if it had put me through enough misery or not.
He let out a low chuckle as he began wiping down my face with the cold facecloth. I continued to stare at him, never letting him leave my eyesight. "No need to be jealous," he said as he sat down on the tile floor behind me, spreading his legs so that he could come right up behind me. Gently pulling me away from the toilet, he brought my head to his chest and the two of us just sat there as he rubbed my hair.
It's funny. Out of every book I have ever read, every movie, manga, and tv show, I think that this was the most romantic thing that I had ever experienced. Here was a big, strong man, more than a decade older than me sitting on the floor of my bathroom after just watching me puke my guts out and he was cuddling with me.
I could feel the tears start to run down my face, but I didn't want to move. I always thought that it was the grand gestures that showed just how much someone loved you, but right now, Chen Zi Han made me realize that that was not the case at all, real love, real dedication was this; seeing you at your worst and still wanting to hold you.
"My mother was sick almost every day growing up," he said in a hesitant voice, his hand that was soothing my hair never stopping.
"I'm sorry," I said, and I really was. I had been in foster care long enough to hear how devastating it was for a child with a sick parent.
"Don't be, it was self-inflected," he admitted, not moving or looking at me. "She had a thing for drugs, alcohol, and men." I could feel the hurt and loneliness pouring out of the man that held a piece of my soul.
"I had to take care of her for as long as I can remember," he continued, his hand never pausing for a second as he continued to rub my head as if it was as much for him as it was for me. "By the time the drugs had finally gotten to her, there wasn't much of her left. Instead of becoming a ward of the state, I decided to vanish, try my luck on the streets. I mean, better the devil you know that the one you don't, right?"
My two hands came up and held onto the forearm that was across my chest, trying to show him my love and support as much as I could without breaking the silence.
"I was almost 16 when I came across the Red Dragon Syndicate. I had been on the streets for four years, trying to make out a life. I didn't go to school, I didn't have friends, all I had was my fists and the drive to be at the top." He sighed and placed a kiss on the top of my head. I squeezed his forearm more in response. "The rest is history," he finished after a pause. I knew it couldn't be that easy, especially not if he was in the Syndicate for only 15 years and was already firmly established as the second in command of the heir and an enforcer. But I wouldn't force him to talk.
I kissed his arm and leaned my head against his chest.
"I feel like I am useful when I can look after someone I love," he confessed with a voice so soft I almost couldn't hear him. "I need that feeling. I need to look after you almost more than I need my next breath. I need to cook your food, I need to brush your hair, I need to take care of you if you are sick and I need to kill anyone that causes you pain."
Well, that escalated quickly. But I wasn't going to complain.
"I know you are strong, that you are independent. I know that we probably would have been dead by now if you hadn't been there to rescue us. Even if the zombies didn't get us, I would have been dead inside just by not knowing you."
Tears were streaming down my face again, but I didn't want to interrupt him. I closed my eyes and sunk more into his chest and tilted my head back.
"What that woman said, about the future of me and Liu Yu Zeng? I could see it. I could see myself doing nothing more than being the shield for Liu Yu Zeng because I needed to look after him. But that wasn't the future that I wanted for myself. I wanted to find someone that could accept my need to care for them, I wanted a family, and the idea that I had to live vicariously through Liu Yu Zeng would have been slowly ripping me apart every day like a wound that I couldn't close."
He took a deep shuttering breath as he pulled me even closer to him until I was practically sitting on top of him, his head buried in my neck as he breathed in my scent. "Thank you for giving me my dream," he whispered as he gently kissed my neck. "Thank you for coming into my life," he said with another kiss just behind my ear.
Taking in a deep breath and composing himself, he stood up, never dropping me for a second as he swung me up into his arms and out of the bathroom. Placing me gently on my bed, he lightly covered me with a fluffy blanket. "All that to say," he started as he went back into the bathroom and started to clean up the mess that I had left behind. "Li Shoi Ming is going to die. How that happens is up to you, but he will die."
"Honestly, I think it is a visceral reaction that the body still has even after all this time," I said as I rolled over onto my side and watched as he wiped down the counter and sink. "I have no memories of him at all, but the fear—"
"We know, we all felt the fear, the pain. That is why he must die," he said as he threw the dirty cloth into the laundry basket to be done later and came over to join me on the bed.
"You care that much about the woman whose body I have taken over?" I asked with a smirk on my face.
"Fuck that, but unfortunately you have the pain and fear of the previous owner so we have to take care of it so that it doesn't affect you again. No more throwing up," he growled as he gently rolled me over and placed me how he wanted me on his chest. "Now sleep, when we go back no one will know what happened and you can deal with everything then."
"Thank you, Chen Zi Han," I said as I rubbed my fingers over his chest. I wanted to tell him that I was falling in love with him, that I was in love with him, but I held back. I knew they could feel what I felt. They could feel my love. And when I gathered the courage to say it out loud, they could hear it then too.
---
I flashed the two of us back to the same spots we were in before that whole episode, this time much more able to deal with the feelings of the original Li Dai Lu. Wang Chao gripped my fingers tightly from where they were in his hand and he gave me a kiss to the temple.
"Feel better?" he asked, ignoring whatever Li Shoi Ming seemed to want to say. I nodded my head, "And it was a surprise to see that you guys could follow me into that space," I said as I looked back at Chen Zi Han. I had managed to do a load of laundry and put back on the same clothes so it shouldn't be too noticeable that I had vanished.
"Well, we do have a piece of you in us," he said with a smile on his face. "We can and will follow you to the ends of the world and beyond." I rolled my eyes and smiled for the first time since I had woken up that day with a sick sense of dread in my stomach. "So you will follow me back to City A and the ranch?" I asked.
"Anywhere," he promised me with a smile and I believed him.
Before I could say another word, the door to the conference room opened, and in walked the Major General. "Ladies and Gentlemen," he said with a nod to everyone around the room. Going to his seat, he looked at each one of us. "There have been a few changes since last we spoke."