慈禧太后的秘密

Chapter 362

Sungjae looked at Gyunglim and smiled. For some reason, they kept meeting eyes for a while now, so he wondered if she was looking at him or not. Did she have something to ask?

“Sungjae-hyung. Tell me who the prettiest actress was among the ones you saw.”

Gwangseok, who sat next to him, grabbed his arm and spoke. It was good that he was acting close, but he acted a little too close that it made him uncomfortable.

“They’re all pretty.”

“Don’t say that and say what’s on your mind. I’m into Suyeon-noona these days. Do you know her?”

“No, I haven’t met her in real life.”

“I see. If you do meet her, then can you please get me her autograph in my name?”

“If I have the opportunity.”

“Ah, right. I also dreamed of becoming an idol once. I’m quite good at singing you know? And at dancing. I would’ve done pretty well if I became an idol.”

“I see.”

“Let’s go to noraebang together. I’ll show you my skills. And if possible, with a girl idol too.”

“I think that’s going to be difficult.”

“Ah, why? I think you can do it since you’re TTO.”

“I’m no one great.”

“Mm, fine. But don’t forget to call me if there’s an opportunity. Promise me, okay?”

“Alright.”

Even though it was just a conversation, it tired him out. He kept asking for something, and it didn’t look like he was joking. No, even as a joke, he was going too far. Was he saying all that because it was the first time they met? Some time would be necessary to find out what kind of person Gwangseok was, as well as Gyunglim.

Sungjae turned his head and looked at Miso. Miso was watching them while drinking coffee. He had heard a lot of rumors about her. She was a famous instructor known for her teaching skills even in this academy.

After his shoot for Twilight Struggles ended, Sungjae decided that he should learn acting from the basics. The reason he applied to this academy and registered for this class specifically was because of that.

Learning acting while having activities as an idol, and using the popularity gained as an idol, break through the wall that separated the movie world. That was the path that president Narim showed him, and the road was well-paved and it seemed that he would be able to arrive at the destination as long as he followed the right path.

However, after talking with elder Moonjoong, Sungjae started to feel uneasy about the path he was walking. It wasn’t an unease due to his popularity. As long as he was Sungjae of TTO, he would be loved no matter what he did. This wasn’t him being arrogant, but being confident. He checked that fact multiple times over the past 6 years.

What he was uneasy about was what kind of actor he would become. If he was aiming for an actor that was successful financially, then he could be considered one. There were many scripts that president Narim brought. Some of those offers just asked him to come to the set without any audition. They just needed his presence. He had decent acting skills, and he was hugely popular. As long as he shot a movie, his hardcore fans that visited his fan café to check his schedule every day would watch the movie for him.

What an easy success was that? However, that didn’t mean he was earning money as an actor, but as Sungjae the idol. Before he talked to elder Moonjoong, he thought that he would be satisfied with just being a ‘successful’ actor.

Just what led him that way? Now that he thought about it, he felt his past self was pathetic. He must have been tired of everything. He was fed up with money directing his every movement and the sheer number of TV programs he had to attend to. When he saw his former colleague that he studied with, living a hard life as a minor actor, and when he suppressed that colleague with his popularity and disdained him, he thought that acting was, in the end, just a side skill. In the end, TV programs aimed for money, and since his popularity gained that program money, he thought that popularity was the metric that decided everything.

However, that wasn’t it. Elder Moonjoong was walking on a completely different path. An atmosphere that he had never encountered when shooting dramas was present on that set. He felt what a ‘professional’ that elder Moonjoong talked about, was on that set.

Just what were the dramas he shot until now? When he looked back in retrospect, his acting skills never became a hot topic. All the time, it was about Sungjae of TTO appearing in some drama in the news articles. His acting in the role that he gained through popularity was just a tool to fill in the scenes.

On the movie set, Sungjae watched Moonjoong’s acting without taking his eyes off him. He engraved the acting of other actors into his eyes. It was a fierce zone. Sharp words that sounded like they could slay someone were floating around in the air like it was normal. Although the atmosphere was good, it would freeze up in an instant the moment a scene was not to someone’s liking. Amidst all that, Sungjae felt his emotions become agitated.

He started putting effort into synchronizing himself with the rest of the pros that were there as he spoke his lines, not mechanically saying his lines like a dumb machine. He didn’t want to be separate from the rest of the actors. He was tempted by the strong thought that he wanted to stand with them.

It was then he realized. He realized that that was the kind of acting he wanted to do when he was a student. He wanted to become a part that created a story. He didn’t need any other reason.

He realized that he got his priorities wrong at the set. Since when was he acting in order to gain popularity? Didn’t he need his popularity to get into acting? When he realized that his tool had become the objective, that fierce movie set became a playground more enjoyable than anything.

He was scolded a lot. He heard countless times not to make mistakes. Your pronunciation is not correct, your actions are awkward. You’re not putting enough emotion - the words that pointed him out made him feel glee. If he was just a throwaway card, if he was someone that they didn’t care about, then they wouldn’t even care. The fact that they pointed him out meant that they wanted him to do better. Sungjae really liked that place since they treated him as an actor, not an idol.

He felt like he was the new kid in class all over again. He carried the luggage with the staff members and made coffee for the actors. He sent his manager, who tried to stop him, to Seoul first and stayed next to the actors. When he started immersing himself, he started to look at not just the lead actors, but the supporting actors and the minor actors. He started taking interest in the people he never cared about when he participated in dramas as the idol Sungjae. He approached them as carefully as possible and asked many things. When he did, he was surprised.

The careers of the actors in that place were amazing. Even though he had never seen some of those actors before, there was one that had over 15 years of experience. They were all people that made a living out of their acting skills. He could finally see why the acting of the minor actors was so smooth.

If the president did not call him herself, Sungjae would have kept following Moonjoong as a staff member. The shooting set was just that charming for him.

After that, Sungjae told the president to get him minimal events and wholeheartedly started focusing on studying acting. He rejected all the works that he originally decided to participate in. He did not want to do them when he thought that they were for the idol Sungjae. The desire he had when he was still a student came back to him. He wanted them to look for him for his skills.

Of course, this didn’t mean that he now thought that popularity was absolutely unnecessary. He had seen too many things to go back to his innocent days.

“Looks like you had enough talk, so shall we resume class?” Miso spoke as she put down her coffee cup.

“I am going to teach you everything from the beginning like I’m teaching a child that’s just learned to walk. All of you have studied acting one way or the other, so I believe there should be no problems in following the class. Well then, first up,” Miso pointed at the floor and spoke,

“Consider there’s the person you like standing here and confess.”

* * *

(Warning: The rest of the chapter includes content that might be disturbing. Read at your own discretion.)

Dayoon sat up as she covered her upper body with the blanket. Next to her lay that man. She carefully got off the bed and went to the bathroom. They had come to the motel after a long time. The man caressed her body with his hands and shared his love passionately. They had returned to their relationship of the past.

Her figure looked a little tired when she looked at the mirror. Dayoon smiled.

“Yes. I’m doing well. I am in love with that person. My objective is not money. Yes, this is love. We are in love with each other.”

She said that to herself multiple times before leaving. The night skies of Seoul could be seen through the window next to the bed. Dayoon put on a bathrobe and sat down on the chair. She didn’t feel like falling asleep any time soon.

She turned on her phone. She had received a few text messages. She first read the message from her president. It was just the usual ‘everyone, let’s do our best’ text. She wanted to ask ‘at what?’ to the president.

Beneath that were messages from the members. She couldn’t remember the last time she received a text like this. When they just had their debut, they always called each other and said that they wanted to see each other even when they were apart for a brief time, but now, they didn’t even ask each other how they were doing.

She checked the contents of the message. One member was going to change her phone number. When she saw that text, it finally came to her that Blue had not much life left.

She leaned back into the chair. The number of idol groups that are born and disappear each year couldn’t be counted with one’s hands. A star only had value when it shined. A star that forgot how to shine was no longer a target of interest. It was just a rock, and a rock would just be kicked around.

The members were each looking for their own ways to survive. Minji had become a fixed member of an entertainment show. She was gaining quite a bit of popularity as well. It was an entertainment show where they had to do physical things, and she was acting as a couple with another member. The internet was all over about whether she was an actual couple with that actor or not. She had caused people to look at her.

Chaerim was solidifying her position as an idol-turned-actor. There were no longer talks about her acting skills either. From what she heard, Chaerim became a supporting role in a daily drama, but she didn’t affirm with her so she didn’t know the truth.

“The other two are doing well as well.”

Dayoon raised the glass with whisky and threw it on the floor. Along with a sharp glass shattering sound, the fragments spread out across the floor.

Here, she was extending her life by selling her body to a man, yet the others were shamelessly doing well. She felt uneasy to death. Once Blue disappeared, the only title she would have left was a ‘rather pretty girl in her mid twenties’. She didn’t even want to imagine such a future.

“What happened?” The man woke up and asked.

Dayoon sighed nervously before turning around to look at the man. Of course, she had a smile on her face.

“Sorry about that, my hand slipped.”

“Really? You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“I’m fine. Sorry about that. I woke you up, didn’t I?”

“It’s fine. Rather than that, there’s glass on the floor so stay still.”

The man brought a towel before laying it out on the floor. Dayoon stepped on that towel before going into the man’s arms. There was a faint smell of cigarettes. Dayoon felt that that smell was adorable. No, she had to feel that way.

“You’re not going to throw me away from now on, are you?”

“What’s up with you all of a sudden?”

“I feel uneasy.”

“I won’t. Also, what’s there to be uneasy about? All that’s left for you is to do good. Didn’t I tell you that everything will go well as long as you trust Joongjin and do as he says? He’ll turn you into a star.”

“Will it really be like that?”

“Of course.”

Dayoon looked up at the man’s face. There were wrinkles on his forehead. He had a stubborn-looking face. That face was adorable.

‘This man is the answer.’

She hugged the man’s arms and kissed him. She put in her tongue and tickled him. She took off the bathrobe and stuck her body against the man’s. She grabbed the man’s stiff genital and caressed it.

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

“I love you too, so don’t throw me away.”

This man was the only thing she could rely on. Dayoon accepted the man’s genitals deep inside her body and smiled.