BXBX NOVEL Chapter 203 – Is it Love or Guilt
Chapter 203 – Is it Love or Guilt
London, England.
The fog which enveloped the entire city could make anyone feel somber.
Selina looked tired as she sat beside the window.
She had been stuck in a wheelchair for five whole years, and it had already become a part of her.
She kept asking herself if what she did was all worth it.
But the truth was that no one actually knew the answer.
She turned to look at the closed door and looked downstairs at the garden before slowly standing up just like any other normal person, and she took a couple of steps forward.
A bitter expression formed on her face. When will I end this and stop lying to everyone, including myself?
She did take a bullet for Leng Xiyao five years ago, and in fact, that was not a big deal to her.
She was just unlucky that the bullet did some damage to her sciatic nerve, which caused mobility problems. She was unable to walk at first, and physiotherapy did not help either.
Eventually, she did not want to go out in public at all.
She sat in the wheelchair all day, and she knew very well that the only reason Ceng Hanyu stayed by her side was because he felt guilty.
Sometimes, she hated it, but it also brought her joy at other times. She would think that it was fortunate, because if it were not for that guilt, he might not be willing to stay by her side and treat her with such tenderness.
She had sincerely wanted to save Leng Xiyao, but things took another turn after she woke up.
Everyone thought that she traded her legs for Ceng Hanyu’s company on purpose.
She used to be so proud, but now, she could not entirely disagree with what these people were saying, because that was exactly what she was doing.
In fact, she could already stand three years ago.
After she stopped going to physiotherapy, Ceng Hanyu thought that she had completely given up on walking again.
What he did not know was that she would practice alone at night, and do physiotherapy exercises on her own.
At the moment when she realized she could walk on her own, there was a mix of happiness and guilt that overwhelmed her.
Happy because she could finally stand beside him again, and guilt because she had decided to continue to pretend to be cripple, to be that Selina who could not walk.
He had to carry her up and down the bed everyday.
She did not have the courage to tell him that she could walk now, and she feared that he would end up leaving her alone if she did.
Others might think about it differently, but in her heart, she believed that he would never stay solely because of her.
That was because in the very beginning, he stayed with her to take care of her, and it was also because she saved Leng Xiyao.?Maybe he thinks that he owes me because I saved Leng Xiyao.
No matter what it was, five years passed just like this.
She still remembered how much her mother, Melissa, cried when they found out she could not stand up. She never wanted her mother to feel sad, but she knew that she had hurt her mother greatly by what she did.
She was the most important person to her mother, and not only was she unable to protect herself well, she had been willing to do something so foul in the name of love.
A year after she was able to walk again, her mother realized something amiss.
Her mother initially tried to sound her out, until she finally asked Selina outright why she was pretending.
Selina found it hard to give her an honest answer, but nobody knew her as well as her mother did, and she did not even have to say much for her mother to guess the reasons for it.
Selina remembered what her mother told her clearly.
She said, “Child, Mummy doesn’t want you to go through the pain of love. But when you met Ceng Hanyu, I knew I couldn’t stop you from the moment you first laid eyes on him. I’ve told you this before, he isn’t compatible with you, but you chose to ignore my advice. Now that you’re pretending to be crippled, how do you think he’ll react when he finds out? Mummy is saying this for your own good. It’s better if you tell him the truth as soon as possible!”
After listening to her mother’s words, Selina felt that she should come clean. However, she decided against it on the very next day.
Though she felt cowardly, she simply could not bear to have Ceng Hanyu leave her side.
When her mother told her that she had lost her way because of love, she remained silent.
It was a foggy day in London when her mother left.
She asked Selina to contact her only when the girl had thoroughly thought things through.
Her mother decided to go travel the world, and Selina continued living in the castle with Ceng Hanyu for the next two years.
Every time Ceng Hanyu had to leave, she would stay in the castle alone, just like those consorts in an ancient royal palace who were waiting for their king to return.
She hated herself like this, but she eventually accepted that this was her decision.
She knew that Ceng Hanyu would choose to leave if she told him the truth.
She knew him too well to the point that it seemed as if she knew him better than he knew himself.
Hearing a disturbance from downstairs, Selina quickly turned and sat back down on the wheelchair.
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She could tell that he was back.
She could discern his footsteps anywhere now.
She sat calmly in the wheelchair as she looked at the garden downstairs, with her usual indifferent expression.
However, nobody knew the anxiety she felt in her heart.
She heard him at the door, but he seemed different today. He stood at the door for a long time instead of entering the room.
She continued sitting there like a simpleton, not turning around to look.
She had wanted to turn and greet him many times, she wanted to call out to him and say, ‘Hi, Yu, you’re back!’
But there was no way she could do it now. She had already lost that haughtiness in her from five years ago.
Ceng Hanyu treated her very differently after she got shot. When she could not walk, he would care for her with so much tenderness that one would think she was a precious doll made of glass.
At the door, Ceng Hanyu quietly looked at the girl on the wheelchair with sorrow in his heart.
He had been taking care of her for the past five years, and he would feel sad every time she needed his help to complete some simple, daily tasks.
Selina would not have ended up like this if it were not for Anne, and she definitely would not have ended up like this if Anne was not his fiancee.
He would sometimes wonder to himself if things would be different if he had gotten Gu Yi’an to save Selina instead, whether the bullet would not do damage to her sciatic nerve if that was the case, and if Selina could still be that haughty and proud lady he knew.
He felt that he was being selfish. The current Selina was just like a bird who had its wings broken.
Selina could have had all the freedom she wanted, but all of this was caused by him. She ended up like this because of how much she loved him.
He already knew who he loved five years ago, but he was also the one who did this to her, so what right did he have to continue loving her?
Ceng Hanyu stood at the door for a long time watching Selina.
She had changed greatly. She was extremely calm and quiet now, very much like a lifeless soul.
There was always this gnawing feeling in his heart every time he saw her like that.
He suddenly thought of the news he had heard earlier.
Grandpa An had woken up and Anne had met up with Leng Haoyun after returning to the country.
He also heard that it was Leng Haoyun who invited an old physician who practiced traditional chinese medicine to do acupuncture on Grandpa An, and that it helped to bring him out of the coma.
He knew about all of this, but another piece of news shocked him greatly.
He heard that Leng Haoyun was hit on the head by a huge rock in an attempt to save Anne, and that he was already unconscious for a few days.
Anne was now overseeing things in The Unparalleled alone, and it was fortunate that Old Man An had already woken up so he could help her on some matters as well.
However, the both of them might not be able to hold up against those with ambitious hearts.
After much deliberation, Ceng Hanyu decided that he had to make a trip back.
He wanted to tell Selina about this today, but he did not know how to broach the topic once he saw her sitting there in silence.
He could not leave without saying goodbye to her either.
Before he returned, he had already tried to brainwash himself.
He told himself that he was only going back because Anne was in trouble, and that he was not going back for any selfish reasons of his own. He kept telling himself that if he explained this to Selina, she would understand his actions for sure.
However, he did not know what to say now that Selina was right there in front of him.
He then heard her crisp voice.
“Why are you not talking?”
Her back was towards him, but he could see that usual indifferent expression of hers.
Instead of telling her what he planned to say, he said, “I’m back to visit. I’ll carry you downstairs for lunch!”
“Oh!” Selina answered simply.
Ceng Hanyu did not want to upset her before her meal.
Her appetite had decreased greatly after her injury, and the sharp chin she had now was a stark contrast to her previously rounded face.
He thought that she did not have an appetite because she was frustrated due to her injury. This was corroborated by the fact that some doctors also told him that Selina did not want to eat because she was not in a good mood.
He had tried various means to make her happy, but he seemed to have failed every time.
The helper began serving the dishes after they arrived downstairs.
Ceng Hanyu kept putting food onto Selina’s plate as he tried to get her to eat more.
“You have to eat more, it’s good for your health like that. Do you know that you feel as light as a feather when I carry you?”
He might have exaggerated it a bit too much, but Selina laughed.
“Is that so? I’ll eat more then...”