先性后爱 电影

It was like someone held her heart in his palm and squeezed it tightly, rendering her paralyzed, unable to breathe. She forced her hand left and right, up and down, but to no avail. She remained just staring.

At what? That was the question.

When she opened her eyes, everything in her dream seemed to vanish. Jacky could not picture any image and hardly remembered anything that had transpired while unconscious.

The only remnant that she had a dream, or more or less a nightmare, was her quickened heartbeat, the sweat on her forehead, shaking hands, and heavy breathing. But everything else became a blur as her eyes stared at the blank space above her.

“It was nothing but a dream.” She told herself as she shook off the odd feeling that had cloaked her body.

It had been quite a while since she had a nightmare. But probably seeing her best friend cradling a baby in her arms triggered her longing for a child, her lost child.

It was not easy to get over their loss, but she had tried hard for her sake, her husband, their future family, and even their lost baby so she could finally rest in heaven.

“Ohhhmmm!” She heard the man at her side make some noise as he turned on his side, finally facing her, but his eyes remained tightly closed.

.....

She watched him lovingly as he slept soundly beside her. She thought she had woken him up but remembered she had barely made a sound. At least not enough to wake him up.

She stood from the bed and decided to get some water. Her heavy breathing must have caused her mouth and throat to feel dry. Carefully, she slipped out of the room, avoiding making an unnecessary sound.

As she passed the living room going to the kitchen, she still could feel the chill that passed through her spine every time she imagined the blood on the floor. Although the effect on her had lessened, it was still there, nagging at the back of her mind.

She could not wait for Haley to finish their new house, so they could finally leave all of this behind. But still, she believed that facing her fear had helped her slowly heal. Though it would still take time, she had faith that she was getting there.

“Wherever you are? If you hear my voice, know this. I love you so much even if I never had a chance to meet you.” She looked up above, beyond the ceiling.

In her mind, she was picturing a child smiling. At least, that was what she imagined their child would look like if she had the chance to be born. She always wanted a girl. But if her child had been a boy, she would have loved him just the same.

Then, she proceeded to get her glass of water, ready to let go for now, and returned to the present. Then, an idea came to her as she relished the cold water as it passed through her body.

Was she ready?

Then, she recalled how happy Dani was as she held Ares in her arms. Then, she saw the envy in Marcus’ eyes as he watched his friend, Alex, stand beside his wife with pride.

Marcus was the best husband she could ever dream of, and so far, he deserved more than she had given him. He wanted a big family. That was his dream.

Still, she knew he would not force her to do something she was not ready to do. But how would he know if she was ready? Again, would she be prepared to face another loss if that ever happened?

But it might not happen.

She drank the remaining water in her glass and returned to their room. Slowly, she slipped back into the bed, pushing herself further beside her husband until her face was just inches away from his.

“Marcus!” She called his name so softly that he probably did not hear it at all. “Marcus!” She repeated louder this time as her hands caressed his cheeks.

This time she intended to wake him up.

Then, he stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes, looking surprised that she was staring at him. Instantly, he was wide awake, probably worried again about her.

“Did you have another nightmare?” He anxiously asked as his hands automatically moved to her face, moving her hair away from her face. He was presumably checking if she had been crying.

But she did not shed any tears tonight. She had felt pain but not enough to make her cry. Instead, it gave her another emotion she had never felt for quite some time, a reason to fight.

“No, it is not that.” Jacky did not want to talk about that since she had something else on her mind that was her priority.

She pushed herself closer until there was barely space between their faces until their breaths mingled in the same place. Then, she took another inch forward, connecting their lips.

“What is this?” He still asked when their lips separated for a few seconds.

She could tell he was slightly surprised by her action, but that was what she wanted. He had done too much for her. It was time that she returned the love he gave her.

“I think I am ready.” She said, not elaborating more. But she waited for her words to register in his mind.

It was like his eyes suddenly sparked with new hope. It had been a while since she had seen his eyes glisten with delight. He might be joking around her, appearing happy, but she knew something was still bothering him.

“Just make love to me.” She whispered into his ears, not wanting to explain in words what she wanted to say.

Finally, he pulled her into his arms, kissing her like a starved man. It was not like they had never had sex, but this was different. Or at least, it felt the way they were before the horrible incident.

His lips traveled from one place to another, exploring her body, claiming again what was his. Then, his hands held her by the waist, pulling her until she straddled him, giving her control of their situation.

She planted her feet on his side, holding onto his shoulders for support. Although he had waited for this moment, he was still slightly hesitant to take the lead. She could not blame him. He was afraid to hurt her again.

“I am ok. I want this.” She promised him, assuring him that this was what she wanted.

“You don’t have to if you are only doing this for me.” He said, looking at her with still a slight skepticism in his eyes.

He was about to grab a pack by the side table, but she stopped him. “We don’t need that. As I said, I am ready to try again.”

She pulled his hand back to her side, then leaned over to kiss him again. She wanted all his attention back on her. She wanted this moment to be the best memory of them together because this was the moment they would consummate their love and create something extraordinary and magical.

“Are you sure?” Still, he asked her again as if he was afraid she was making a mistake, but she had never been sure about this.

She wanted this. She wanted to try again because she hoped it might be different this time. But she was also ready to risk her heart from being broken again if it would not turn out to what they expected.

At least this time, she knew what she was facing. She would be ready, and her loving husband would be there again to give his full support. She believed having a child was worth all the risk.

“Yes!” She answered him, fully determined, showing him that the Jacky he knew was back. She would fight for him, their family, and most importantly, her life.

She wanted to fulfill the dreams they shared and make them a reality. It would only happen if she put aside her fear and allowed love to flourish again in their relationship.

Then, she moved carefully on top of him, allowing their desires to mingle until they were one. But this was no ordinary satisfaction of the flesh. It was more than that, so much more.

As their bodies molded together and he filled her with all the seeds of his desire, she hoped it would produce a life born out of their love. But if not, it would not be the end of their dreams because she knew they could always try again.

“I am not afraid anymore.” She unconsciously told herself in her mind. “Because she knew she was not alone.” Marcus would always be at her side.

It was stupid for her to think it was the end of her world when she lost her child. But it was not. As long as people still cared for her, she could still love. Then there was hope.