BXBX NOVEL Chapter 91
Just because I was used to it didn’t mean I didn’t feel anything, however, and everytime I thought of it I felt lonely.
Oh fine. Now, I had to acknowledge it.
There was never an instance that I felt ok knowing that Claude forgot about me. No matter how much I tried to convince myself, I wasn’t okay at all. I was lying to myself.
I was drunk on the warmth and affection that I felt for the first time in my life, not knowing I was a moth drawn to a flame. So I was slowly losing myself within it.
After experiencing that sweetness once, I couldn’t escape from this trap.
So to be honest, everyday felt like dying. I couldn’t bear the fact that the cause of all this was me. Everyday, I was filled with a hatred for myself.
So I wasn’t ok at all.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
And so I had to be ok.
“Because I’m not crying.”
If I wasn’t, I couldn’t bear it.
“Yes. I didn’t see anything.”
Ezekiel didn’t laugh at my stubbornness.
He looked away and stayed by my side until my tears stopped falling.
The bright light I could see far away shined in waves. Everything started to fade away like it was a dream. So I felt like I was trapped in an aquarium.
Ah. I wish everything turned into bubbles and disappeared.
I closed my eyes feeling like a goldfish that couldn’t breathe because it didn’t have any gills.
The night felt like it wasn’t going to end.
***
“Ezekiel!”
Duke Alpheus shouted at his son who appeared.
Today, the ball to celebrate the Emperor’s birthday had ended early.
And in the midst of that, Ezekiel had left after Princess Athanasia without a word so it was expected he was nervous.
“Why did you follow the princess knowing you can be the recipient of the Emperor’s anger?”
Duke Alpheus scolded Ezekiel.
He didn’t know the reason why, but Princess Athanaisa had clearly lost the Emperor’s favor. No, it was too early to say she had completely lost it.
Alpheus thought of the princess who confidently left by herself despite being dragged in at the beginning.
It seemed like the Emperor didn’t completely detest her seeing as how he let her leave on her own accord without the guards….
“Let’s get on the carriage.”
But whatever the reason, since the Emperor had announced that since Princess Athanasia wasn’t his daughter, it was dangerous being seen with her.
So in the carriage Roger Alpheus continued to ingrain the fact that Ezekiel should keep some distance away from the princess.
His wise son would’ve already understood him, but for some reason with cases involving Princess Athanasia, he had an unclear attitude.
“Father.”
Eventually, Ezekiel opened his mouth to speak.
“You always told me to move logically.”
“Yes.”
I don’t know if you’re satisfied with me so far, but I think that I listened to you pretty well until now.
It was obvious. Duke Alpheus was proud of his son who never once disappointed him.
“But today….”
Ezekiel spoke shocking words.
“I experienced for the first time that it was all useless.”
“What are you talking about?”
Roger Alpheus didn’t understand what his son was saying. But the low voice continued.
“Father, I’m not confident enough to see her tears again.”
Ezekiel looked firmly at his father Duke Alpheus.
“And I’m not confident enough to forgive those who make her cry.”
His voice was also firm. Duke Alpheus fumbled for his words, unlike his usual self.
“Ezekiel, you……”
That person that Ezekiel meant clearly meant the princess. When Roger Alpheus realized that, his eyes were filled with shock.
The light from the outside entered through the window and turned their faces into a gold color.
Duke Alpheus knew looking at those gold filled eyes that he wouldn’t be able to convince his son no matter what he said.
“Were you serious?”
At his question Ezekiel remained silent. But silence meant he agreed
After that, the carriage was silent.
Roger Alpheus let out a deep sigh, and turned to Ezekiel.
“As you know, I wasn’t involved in today’s matters.”
“I know.”
But Ezekiel continued.
“But it can’t be like that in the future.”
Roger Alpheus’s eyebrows twitched. He thought he knew what his son meant, but he was still filled in disbelief.
So he could only be shocked by what Ezekiel said.
“If what you’re planning hurts her in any way, I won’t stay still.”
“Is that your stance?”
“I’m sorry father.”
Roger Alpheus was speechless and just stared at his son’s face.
“Huh….”
He laughed in shock.
He didn’t know his son, Ezekiel, would do this to him, out of all people.
“Let’s speak again later.”
Roger Alpheus swept his face tiredly.
He hadn’t completely stood on Jannette’s or Princess Athanasia’s side anyway, so it didn’t matter too much, but from what he saw at the ball, Princess Athanasia’s side wasn’t looking too well.
Duke Alpheus frowned in thought until he arrived at the ball.
But the long day still wasn’t over.
As soon as the two entered the residence, they met a tear-stained Jannette.
“A letter just arrived, and aunt….aunt….!”
At her unusual appearance, Roger Alpheus quickly grabbed the paper from Jannette’s hand. His face hardened.
* * *
“Would a silver platter be better, or would a flower pot be better?”
Lost in thought while wiping the stairs with a mop, Ces asked.
“I think a mop would do fine as well.”
“What are you talking about?”
But her face while she was wiping was violent. Lili narrowed her eyes and asked then Ces turned her head to face her.
“Shock therapy has some effects, and I was thinking of hitting the Emperor’s head hard once or twice.”
“Ces, do you really want to go to jail?”
What Ces said could easily land her in jail, or worse than that.
But Lilian understood where she was coming from, and Ces wasn’t one to speak those words easily, so she sighed and finished organizing the flowers in the vase.
“But if we continue like this we don’t know when the Emperor will be better again.”
And Lili didn’t disagree with what Ces said.
She bit her lips thinking of what happened a few days ago.
It was a relief Princess Athanasia returned without a scratch, but she couldn’t easily forget about that day.
Just how could they pull the Princess away like that?
Her usually calm and mild self would never have imagined it, but Lili was unconsciously grinding her teeth together.
She kept on thinking of the guards forcing the princess out.
And her weak self, only being able to pray for the princess until she returned.
Lili felt happy that Princess Athanasia returned safely, but she felt like crumbling when she heard what happened from Ces.
Thinking of Princess Athanasia’s red eyes, she felt worse.
Just how did she do it. The shock of losing her only family must’ve been great, but she didn’t express it at all.
Princess Athanasia said she was fine, but what other reason would be continue to get thinner and toss around at night? And to have to experience this, on top of all that.